Week 2
(LOREN ELLIOTT/Tampa Bay Times)

Last week, I went 12-3-1 (damn you Jets, Browns, and Bears.) WTF Lions and Cardinals, a tie?! How the hell am I supposed to predict that! Anyway, after a strong first week, I hope to keep this solid record going in week 2.

Buccaneers @ Panthers

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) are going to Carolina to play the Panthers (0-1) for the Thursday Night Football game. Although opening as a favorite, Tampa Bay had a rough 2019 debut against the 49ers. Only scoring 17 points while Jameis Winston had 3 INTs. They also gave up 31 points to San Fran. The Panthers lost only by 3 to the NFC Champion last year in the Rams. Why? Christian freaking McCaffrey. Dude is a MONSTER. He is THE offense of that team. He had 128 yards on 19 (!!) attempts. Averaging 6.7 yards per attempt. A great day already for a running back, but not that’s all, he had 10 receptions for 81 yards as well, AND 2 TDS.  And guess who has him on his fantasy team?! This guy, sorry Garrett Burroughs for kicking your ass in fantasy. The Rams have a much better defense than the Bucs, expect the Panthers (CMC mostly) to put on a show for Thursday night.

Final Prediction: Carolina Panthers 31, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 21

Cowboys @ Redskins

The Dallas Cowboys are being hosted by the Washington Redskins this week. Do you smell that? *sniff sniff* I’m smelling an upset. The Redskins played surprisingly well against the Eagles last week. Even having a lead of 17-0 on them. Then Carson Wentz happened, he eventually brought the Eagles back to a 32-27 win. But if you told me before that game, “yeah the Redskins will only lose by 5”, I would have said you’re smoking dick. The Redskins can surprise the Cowboys. The Cowboys beat the lowly Giants and are already screaming SUPER BOWL. Welcome to the epitome of Cowboys fans being delusional (like Skip Bayless.) However, the Cowboys did play great on all cylinders. I still think Zeke Elliot carrying that offense will hold up Dak Prescott to make him LOOK like a great QB. The worst thing the Cowboys can do is underestimate the Redskins. I’m going with the safe pick that Dallas comes out on top. Don’t let me down, Cowgirls.

Final Prediction: Dallas Cowboys 24, Washington Redskins 21

Colts @ Titans

The Tennessee Titans (1-0) are hosting the Indianapolis Colts (0-1) for week 2. Did anyone see this from the Titans last week? Well other than Titans fans of course. I’m not only talking about winning, but I mean putting your Browns over your knee and spanking DAT ASS. The Titans beat the Browns by 30 points on the road. I have seen a lot of talk about discrediting the Browns, hell let’s credit the Titans! If you thought the Titans was a bad team and they barely beat the now overhyped Browns, I could see discrediting the Browns. But the Titans opened up a can of whoop-ass. Give them the credit they deserve. Speaking of credit, Marcus Mariota is on the hot seat this season but had a solid game with 248 yards and 3 TDs. A good start to keep his job this year and hopefully for the future. Speaking of surprises, The Colts held their own against the electric Chargers (get it?). Jacoby Brissett led that team to OT and gave them a winning shot. That’s all the Colts can expect of him as he isn’t Andrew Luck. If they can repeat this performance despite the loss, this game will be a doozy on Sunday.

Final Prediction: Tennessee Titans 28, Indianapolis Colts 24

Seahawks @ Steelers

The Seattle Seahawks (1-0) are being hosted by the Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1) in this week 2 game. Both teams were very disappointing in week 1. Even though the Seahawks won, they won by 1 point to the irrelevant Bengals. The Seahawks and Russell Wilson looked out of rhythm, out of sync, and just not the Seahawks we know. They’ll be looking to bounce back against the Steeler’s porous defense. What the hell happened to the Steelers? Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have them winning their game against the Patriots, but their performance was pitiful. Ben Roethlisberger didn’t have a bad game, but it wasn’t that good. The problem was the nonexistent run game and defense. They’ll need one or the other to win some games, at least with a defense they can stop other teams from scoring. Or if they have a run game with James Connor, they can get into shootouts. Either way, they’ll need to figure it out. Both teams want to look better than they did, we’ll see who can bounce back better.

Final Prediction: Seattle Seahawks 21, Pittsburgh Steelers 17

Bills @ Giants

ZzZzZzZz…This is Alex’s Snoozefest game of the week. The Buffalo Bills (1-0) are traveling to New York to face off against the Giants (0-1). I don’t know what the hell happened, the Jets were winning 16-0, so I stopped watching. This was with 7 minutes left in the 3rd Quarter. Glad to know that the Jets choked harder than Nick Wright choking on Lebron’s dick. Josh Allen didn’t have a good day throwing the ball as he had 2 INTs. However, he ended the game with a TD and another TD by running, to eventually win the game 17-16. The Giants were expected to lose against the Cowboys. But man watching Saquon Barkley is exciting. This might be an overreaction but he reminds me a lot of Barry Sanders. No line, no team for that matter, but one of the best RBs we’ve ever seen. I don’t have much faith in the Bills, but after an impressive comeback win, I am gonna go with them to go a surprising 2-0.

Final Prediction: Buffalo Bills 17, New York Giants 14

Patriots @ Dolphins

The New England Patriots are traveling to Miami to visit their vacation home while playing the Dolphins (0-1, probably will be 0-16) in week 2. The Patriots are f*cking scary. we don’t need to do much analysis on this one. Tom Brady will literally kill Miami. Pittsburgh is not that bad of a team that Sunday Night showed, The Patriots are just THAT good. Against lowly Miami? Even Helen Keller can SEE (wink) who’s gonna win. THE TANK IS ON IN MIAMI!

Final Prediction: New England Patriots 147, Miami Dolphins -4. I’m not even joking.

Jaguars @ Texans

The Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) are being hosted by the Houston Texans (0-1) this Sunday. The Jaguars lost their starting QB, Nick Foles, for the year with a broken clavicle. Gardner Minshew, the backup, didn’t play bad, he had 2 TDs and 1 INT against the Chiefs. But we all know the Chiefs defense is bad, he’ll have much more trouble against the Texans. For the Texans, Deshaun Watson. That’s all. Okay not really, they have other pieces like DeAndre Hopkins, but he is as ELITE as they come. He almost took down the Saints, if it wasn’t for a last-second Field Goal. I like Deshaun Watson and Co. in this one vs the rookie in his first NFL start.

Final Prediction: Houston Texans 28, Jacksonville Jaguars 17

Vikings @ Packers

The Green Bay Packers (1-0) are hosting the Minnesota Vikings (1-0) in this week 2 matchup. Green Bay won on Thursday Night Football to start the year in an ugly defensive game with the Bears. That doesn’t mean the worst is behind them when playing the Vikings. Green Bay’s defense doesn’t have to stop trash ass Mitch Trubisky, but Kirk Cousins with Dalvin Cook, Adam Thielen, and Stefon Diggs. Don’t get me wrong, Cousins is nothing special, but he’s at least average. The Vikings have more offensive weapons than the Bears and overwhelmed the Falcons last week. There’s only so much Aaron Rodgers can do, the Vikings will win this one.

Final Prediction: Minnesota Vikings 24, Green Bay Packers 17

Chargers @ Lions

The Los Angeles Chargers (1-0) travel to Detroit to take on the Lions (0-0-1, what the hell Lions.) Don’t sleep, even though the Chargers got a scare last week, this team is legit. Philip Rivers is still a slinger, Mike Williams and Keenan Allen are amazing players, Hunter Henry is a sleeper, and Austin Ekeler makes every Charger fan say “Melvin who?” This is not even mentioning the defense. The Detroit Lions were up 24-6 with 14 minutes left in the 4th….and they tied….to the Cardinals. Poor Matthew Stafford, he’s a great QB but other than Calvin Johnson, what other star has helped him. I’ll wait. If the Lions can’t even put the game away up 18 points and only a quarter left, don’t expect them to beat the Chargers.

Final Prediction: Los Angeles Chargers 28, Detroit Lions 14

49ers @ Bengals

The San Fransisco 49ers (1-0) are being hosted by the Cincinnati Bengals (0-1) in this one. Jimmy G is back y’all, and for those who don’t know, he’s 9-2 in all games he’s played in, including his win last Sunday. I think Jimmy Garoppolo is a great QB, there’s just not a lot of known talent around him, not to mention his defense last year only had 2 INTs. The Bengals surprised a lot of people, including me, last week as they only lost to the Seahawks by one point. AS much as I want to credit the Bengals, I won’t. Seattle’s offense wasn’t in sync. Andy Dalton had over 400 passing yards, 2 TDs, and no INTs. Why does he have so many yards? The Bengals run game with Joe Mixon was nonexistent, only having 34 yards. Good on Andy Dalton, who I think is a bad QB, keeping them into the game, but every dog has their day and that was theirs, and they still lost.

Final Prediction: San Fransisco 49ers 21, Cincinnati Bengals 17

Cardinals @ Ravens

The Arizona Cardinals (0-0-1) travel to Baltimore to take on the Ravens (1-0) in week 2. Kudos to the Cardinals and frankly Kyler Murray for their comeback to tie last week against the Lions. Won’t lie, down 24-6, most rookie QBs would feel helpless, but Murray picked himself up and led that team to a tie. However, they’re playing the Ravens this week, a much better team than the Lions. The Ravens are on Cloud 9 by putting the league on notice by beating the Dolphins by 49 points. Even if it is the Dolphins, putting up 59 points on any team is still mad impressive. Lamar Jackson put some temporary silence on the “He’s a running back” jokes. Marquise “Hollywood” Brown put up Randy Moss numbers and is already looking like the steal of the draft. Like I said though, it’s against the Dolphins, but I fully expect the Ravens to ball out again against another bad team like the Cardinals. Ravens start out strong at 2-0.

Final Prediction: Baltimore Ravens 31, Arizona Cardinals 17

Chiefs @ Raiders

The Oakland Raiders (1-0) are hosting the Kansas City Chiefs (1-0) in this division week 2 matchup. The Raiders and Derek Carr turned some heads last week as they not only scored convincingly on the Broncos stingy defense, but their defense also held their own against Broncos decent run game. I will try to keep the Raiders analysis short at the risk that I sound like the subjective fanboy I am. The Raiders will be humbled this week though when they play the Chiefs. I am convinced no one can stop the Chiefs offense. Andy Reid is an offensive GENIUS, and a talented QB in Patrick Mahomes, with offensive weapons all over the offense. It simply can’t be stopped. The only way to beat the Chiefs is in a shootout, which the Raiders don’t have the offensive firepower to do. The Chiefs overwhelmed a great defense that the Jaguars have, there’s no way the Raiders could stop it.

Final Prediction: Kansas City Chiefs 35, Oakland Raiders 21

Saints @ Rams

The New Orleans Saints (1-0) are being hosted by the Los Angeles Rams (1-0) in this week 2 matchup. This is the game to watch this week. The Saints almost lost last week when they were down one point with 37 seconds left. But I guess we forgot that Drew Brees is still a BALLER. Brees’ can’t take all the credit though as Lutz hit a 58-yard game-winner field goal. The Rams had trouble stopping the one-man offense in Christian McCaffrey and barely won against the Panthers. If the Rams can’t stop CMC, I’m not sure they can stop all the weapons on the Saints offense. The Rams have offensive weapons of their own though. Todd Gurley will play better, and they still have Robert Woods, Cooper Kupp, and Brandin Cooks. The question is if Jared Goff can win for the Rams. Either way, I’m expecting a shootout.

Final Prediction: New Orleans Saints 34, Los Angeles Rams 31

Bears @ Broncos

The Chicago Bears (0-1) are traveling to Denver to play a defensive game with the Broncos (0-1). The Bears offense was pitiful last week against an at best, above-average defense in the Packers. Mostly due to the fact that Mitch Trashbitchsky is terrible. Against Denver’s defense, I’m not sure Chicago can score on Denver’s defense. Then again, the Raiders scored 24 on them, maybe the Bears can bounce back offensively. Can the Broncos score on the Bears herculean defense? I doubt it. Aaron Rodgers only scored one TD against this defense, you expect Joe Flacco to do more? Nah man. Let the best defense win.

Final Prediction: Chicago Bears 14, Denver Broncos 10

Eagles @ Falcons

In our Sunday Night Football game of week 2, we have the Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) being hosted by the Atlanta Falcons (0-1). The Eagles got a scare last week after being down to the Redskins 17-0 before deciding to try. Carson Wentz and co. went on a 32-3 run to put them up 32-20 to eventually win the game at 32-26. Despite the score, after the Eagles started to play, this game wasn’t close. The Eagles are still dominant with Wentz. The Atlanta Falcons were disappointing in week 1 and picked a rough time to try to bounce back. The Vikings didn’t have any mercy on the Falcons by putting up 28 points on them. The story for the Falcons was their underperforming offense. If they want to win this game against the Eagles, they need to rely on their offense, because their defense won’t stop the Eagles.

Final Prediction: Philadelphia Eagles 27, Atlanta Falcons 20

Browns @ Jets

For the last game of week 2, the Cleveland Browns (0-1) are traveling to New York to play the Jets (0-1). Both of these teams should be ashamed of themselves, but no one more than the Browns in this one. The Browns put up an embarrassing effort against the Titans. The Browns were supposed to be playoff contenders and to make some noise this year, but last week they reminded us that they’re still the Browns. With all that offensive talent, there’s no reason for them to only score 13 points, I don’t care who’s defense it is. The Jets should be ashamed of themselves after blowing a 16 point lead in the second half against the Bills. I expected more of the Jets offense with the new acquisition of Le’Veon Bell. Jets shouldn’t have lost that game. This week both teams will try to redeem themselves. I expect Baker Mayfield to wake up “feeling dangerous.”

Final Prediction: Cleveland Browns 24, New York Jets 21

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