Phillies
What’s more heartbreaking the Phillies Season, or my actual breakup? (Brad Penner/USA TODAY Sports)

What’s More Heartbreaking the Phillies Season, or My Actual Breakup?

So back in April, everything was going great in my life. I was dating someone that I really liked and not to mention was a complete smokeshow. I was living in our nations capital of Washington, DC starting my new career, and most importantly my heart was soaring because the Philadelphia Phillies were making all the right moves to get my blood going for baseball season. I mean I honestly cannot express how excited I was for the Phillies to finally not suck and to be able to go to Citizens Bank Park and not have to leave in the 6th inning due to a blowout loss.

Let’s backtrack a little bit I started dating my ex in July of 2018. At the time she seemed like the perfect fit for ole Don Chach. She liked to party, she was a D1 cheerleader for Mount St. Mary’s University and we would literally finish each other’s sentences. It was almost as magical as when Bryce Harper said that he was going to sign with the Phillies in March after we had already acquired the best catcher in baseball in JT Realmuto, Jean Segura, Andrew McCutchen, and put Rhys back into his natural position of 1st base. I mean hell even our pitching and bullpen were looking like they were going to be ready for a playoff push! But everything just seemed to go from great to shit overnight.

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The Phillies just started to blow the hypothetical dick and it ripped my heart out right in front of my face. They can’t hit, their pitching makes it feel like I’ve been kicked in the balls by Adam Vinatieri, and they just have flat out sucked. You here all the time about the “injury bug”, and it’s something I never really believed in because every team has injuries and players playing with knicks and bruises. But for the love of God, the Phillies have been hit with the injury plague! It’s honestly a good thing that they didn’t play in the London Series because one-third of Europe’s population would have torn their ACLs and need Tommy John’s! It hurt more than when I took my ex out to dinner, bought her flowers, and our 1 year anniversary present just to get dumped on the drive back to her place (grand total of 150 dollar night). But the thing is the Phillies just KEEP ON DUMPING ME AND ITS GETTING A LITTLE OLD! I am sick and tired of the blown leads thanks to the bullpen, or the blowouts, or the fact that we just can’t score a god damn run some nights.

Like thank god that the Phillies won this afternoon because I could not deal with getting swept by the Nationals. It’s crazy to think that in March I thought that my life was going so well, Bryce had completely embraced the Philly culture and looked like he and Rhys were just going to be launching moonshots all year but alas it seems that this just isn’t our year. Something that Philadelphia fans are all too familiar with saying. This Phillies season has left me feeling betrayed, heartbroken, and just down on everything. I cant believe that I let myself get so close to a team again just to have my heart stepped on. It’s almost as bad as the 2011 team.

Well, lesson learned. I’d rather get dumped every day than get my hopes up on this Phillies’ season for the rest of the year. One more blown lead and I’ll storm CBP with all of South Philly looking for heads. Let’s all pray that the second half of the season and my love life start to turn it around, because Don Chach needs something to look forward to in his life.