Vendetta’s Premier League 2023-24 Roundtable
The Premier League is back, baby!
As is traditional in these parts, we’ve gathered our best and brightest footballing minds (yeah, ok … we’ve gathered some minds) to give us their thoughts on the upcoming Premier League campaign.
We’re going to ask a series of questions and our assorted punditry will give you the most insightful responses you could possibly imagine. As always, we’re going to hold our brains trust to account, too, with mid-season and end of season check-ins.
Without further ado, let’s get amongst it!
Let’s start at the top: who wins the league?
Jarrod Prosser: Whilst it’s certainly tempting to be contrarian and say that Arsenal can get over the hump or that Manchester United can return to their former glory, this really is Manchester City’s title until further notice.
Jackson Fyda: Manchester City. No matter who anyone else adds, City still has De Bruyne and Haaland. If those two weren’t enough, City is also stacked in every position. They are the most talented team in the Prem, have the most depth and have the best manager in the league. City wins yet another Premier League title.
Christopher Bagdonas: Manchester City
Trey Daubert: Manchester City
Jerry Walker: As long as Pep Guardiola is managing Manchester City, I find it hard to see anyone else taking the league title. Surely, Haaland will not have 36 goals this season, but City are still far and away the best team. Despite losing players such as İlkay Gündoğan and Riyad Mahrez, City are still clear favorites. The only hope for anyone else would be if Arsenal learned from their inexplicable collapse last season and hold it together under some pressure.
Who claims the other Champions League spots? In order of league finish, please.
JP: Arsenal performed perhaps a little above themselves last season. That said, they’re a better squad this time around. Barring some huge uptick from one of United, Newcastle, Liverpool or Villa, then second place should be there for the Gunners. In a process of elimination, I’m going with United for third and Villa to upset the apple cart and sneak into fourth place.
JF: Arsenal, Newcastle, Liverpool. Arsenal is going to be good again this year but not enough to dethrone Manchester City. I think Newcastle has something special happening, and adding Harvey Barnes, Sandro Tonali and Tino Livramento to the mix makes me more confident that Newcastle will qualify for the Champions League again. Liverpool and Manchester United will have a tight battle for fourth place, but Liverpool will ultimately edge out the Red Devils.
CB: Man United, Arsenal, Newcastle.
TD: Arsenal, Liverpool, Man U.
JW: The next three Champions League spots behind City are going to be fought for by four, possibly five teams (depending on if Chelsea can get their act together without spending a boatload). Of those teams, I see Arsenal keeping it together with the big addition of Declan Rice to help solidify an already young, yet experienced, squad. The Saudi Newcastle project is already ahead of schedule by qualifying for the upcoming Champions League with a fourth-place finish in the 2022-23 season. The Magpies did a good job signing some solid players during the summer transfer window. Harvey Barnes was class for a relegated Leicester side last season and will add midfield depth for Newcastle alongside Tonali. The fourth and final Champions League spot will go to the other team in Manchester, Manchester United. The biggest flaw for United last season was the poor play by goalkeeper David de Gea. They seem to have solved that concern by bringing in André Onana from Inter Milan. The additions of Mason Mount and Rasmus Højlund will benefit the attack.
Who’s going down? Relegation picks, thanks.
JP: I recently wrote a piece stating a reason for every Premier League club to be optimistic heading into the season. I made it through 19 teams in quick order. The 20th, though? I had nothing. Wolves to go down with barely a whimper.
I can’t see the Blades doing much this season, either, though I hope they don’t panic and sack Paul Heckingbottom. He’s a good manager. I really hope Luton stay up, but I just don’t think they’ll have quite enough about them.
JF: Sheffield United, Bournemouth, Luton Town. Sheffield United and Luton have not added enough quality players for me to think that they have a reasonable shot at staying up. Bournemouth managed to avoid relegation last year, but they also have not improved enough, and I am thinking they will be making a return to the Championship in 2024.
CB: Luton Town, Sheffield United, Nottingham Forest.
TD: Luton, Everton, Sheffield (Ed: I’m going to ignore the fact that Trey didn’t type ‘United’ after Sheffield and let a million Owls fans proverbially peck his eyes out).
JW: Bournemouth surprised a bit last season by finishing 15th. However, they did not make any massive signings to a team that will look relatively similar to the previous year’s squad. For that reason, and the fact that there are not three worse teams than them, they will be finishing at the bottom of the table. Two newly promoted sides will pull a Norwich and bounce right back down after being promoted. Those will be Luton Town and Burnley. Luton pulled off the shock of the Championship season by getting promoted, but they are far too small of a club to survive for another year. Burnley on the other hand could stay up, but I do not see it very likely. Their only hope is that the hero of England’s U21 European Championship-winning side James Trafford can step up and play near perfect against the other relegation sides.
Where will YOUR team finish?
JP: A full pre-season under the expert tutelage of anyone but Frank Lampard Sean Dyche will see Everton become something less than a sieve defensively. That alone will see them to safety. If they can cajole 25 to 30 matches out of Dominic Calvert-Lewin, then the Toffees could find themselves in the upper reaches of the bottom half of the table. I’m choosing to be an optimist: Everton to finish 12th.
JF: Arsenal finishes behind City yet again. We are getting better with each passing day, but they still have three things we don’t have: Pep Guardiola, Kevin De Bruyne, and of course, Erling Haaland. Arsenal is close yet again, but City’s quality will see them through.
CB: Erik ten Hag is on the verge of completing the best summer window for Man United since Sir Alex’s retirement ten years ago. If he replaces Maguire with a new center-back and gets Amrabat or another midfielder, I think the Red Devils are much closer to contending for the league than people would like to admit. However, I still think Pep cements himself into history with a fourth straight PL title.
TD: The Gunners are gunning down everyone minus Man City. Just trying to show Pep his proper respect.
JW: Well, my team is Leeds United, and after last season’s relegation, they will be playing in the EFL Championship. The goal is clearly promotion, and I think that goal will be achieved after they win the playoff to be promoted. Realistically though, since it is Leeds, there is a great chance of another year of misery. The addition of Ethan Ampadu will be a good signing, but unfortunately for Leeds that does not weigh out the potential loss of more key players.
Which club will flatter to deceive?
JP: This hurts so much to say, but … it’s Brighton. As they have every year since emerging as the neutral’s darling, Brighton have sold key players (admittedly for massive windfalls) and replaced them with unknown quantities or kids. When combined with a European adventure, this process has to take its toll eventually. Remember when Southampton were being held up as a beacon of mid-table competency as they were selling all of their quality youngsters to Liverpool and Chelsea? Where are the Saints now? Brighton’s bubble has to burst eventually and this may be the season that we see the first signs of stress at the Amex.
JF: Chelsea will have yet another rough year. Better than last year, but still rough. Their transfer policy reminds me of when I first started playing football manager. You throw everything you can at players with decent ability and decent potential without any real squad planning. The only thing that improves this year is their management. Pochettino is a legit manager. They will still have a disappointing year though, and will likely need a few more years to figure things out.
CB: Brighton will come back down to Earth this season. They had a great year but they’re not going to be talking tough if they sell Caicedo. Definitely a top-half team but maybe not Europa/Conference spots.
TD: Chelsea continues to stink. Too much coaching turnover.
JW: Tottenham is my clear pick for this. With Harry Kane seeming to be nearing an exit, Spurs have not yet identified anyone to replace the English captain. They just do not seem very good this year and could pull a Chelsea and finish outside of the top-10 without a prolific goal scorer.
Which club will prove a pleasant surprise?
JP: Given I’ve tipped Aston Villa to finish fourth, it must be them, right? For the sake of avoiding repeating an answer I’ll go with Bournemouth. Gary O’Neill did a remarkable job last season, but replacing him with Andoni Iraola could prove an inspired choice.
JF: Aston Villa are legit. They had a great season last year, and now they have strengthened their squad heading into this season. Moussa Diaby, Pau Torres and Youri Tielemans are great signings. Expect big things from Unai Emery’s side this year.
CB: I think Aston Villa could have a big season. Emery doesn’t do well at the big clubs but a step down like Villa is where he operates best. They added a lot of quality and I would not be shocked to see them finish fifth.
TD: Newcastle isn’t a fluke. They’re a good club. (ED: is it really a surprise that a club that is richer than God is quite good at collecting good footballers?)
JW: I think Chelsea will surprise after an abysmal campaign last season. I have them picked for a European spot with their numerous signings all finally clicking together under Mauricio Pochettino. They have lost a large number of bad eggs from last season and will be looking to start flowing with a new squad. Christopher Nkunku has looked good in preseason, and I believe he will have an important role for Chelsea this year.
Golden Boot winner? And how many goals do they score?
JP: I refer you again to my piece listing a reason for every Premier League club to have optimism this season, namely my Manchester City entry:
If the generally accepted wisdom that players need a season in Pep Guardiola’s intricate system to adjust proves true, then how many goals might Norwegian goal-bot Erling Haaland this campaign? 65? Is 70 on the table?
In a 38-game league season it’s feasible that Haaland could, as long as City have maintained his service logs, score 40 goals. I’ll stump for 38.
JF: Erling Haaland. He is the best striker in the world, let alone the Premier League. City will continue to give him all the chances in the world to score, and when Haaland has a chance, he more likely than not buries it. He wins the Golden Boot again by a landslide.
CB: Not sure who else has a real shot at catching Haaland. Yes, he had his bad games from time to time, but he set the record for a reason. If healthy, I could easily see at least 35 league goals.
TD: Haaland. Breaks his own record.
JW: It is very hard not to bet on Erling Haaland to win his second consecutive Golden Boot. As mentioned earlier there is no way he breaks his own Premier League record of 36 goals, but with the star-studded team around him, 30 goals are not out of the picture. I see him finishing with 32 goals.
Which signing will have the most positive impact on their team?
JP: As a card carrying member of the (retired) goalkeepers club, I have to go with Andre Onana at Manchester United. An excellent shot stopper, he’s a clear upgrade over the fading David de Gea. In addition, his uber aggressive positioning when his team has the ball will push United further up the pitch in the manner that ten Hag craves. Sure, that positioning will see him get lobbed from the halfway line at some point this season, but that’s still a positive for the neutrals, right?
JF: I know I probably should be saying Declan Rice here since I am an Arsenal fan and all, but I am going to go with James Maddison at Tottenham. The reason I am going with Maddison is because his player profile matches something that Tottenham has lacked since Christian Eriksen left the club: a prolific playmaker. He is excellent at creating assists for teammates as well as goals for himself. He is a threat from set pieces and has a certain level of creativity that should have all Tottenham fans excited. I expect Maddison to shine this year in North London.
CB: Andre Onana and it’s not close. Yes there will be growing pains but he has the chance to be Ederson/Alisson levels of good for United.
TD: Declan Rice. Proves that he’s worth every dollar and transforms the Gunners midfield.
JW: Declan Rice is the most expensive English player in Premier League history and will play like it for Arsenal. He has the potential to control the midfield for the Gunners and could be the difference if they want to win the title.
Conversely, who will flop?
JP: If I told you your club was buying a 20-year-old striker from overseas who has played but one season in an elite league, would you be all that excited? What if I told you he doesn’t speak the language and has a 1-in-3 goal scoring record? How about if I added that he’ll draw grossly unfair comparisons to the best striker in football, who plays for your cross-town rivals as well as the national team captain, who you could have signed 12 months ago? Oh, and you also spent £60 million on him. Would you be all that excited? Good luck, Rasmus Højlund.
JF: Rasmus Højlund will flop. Spending about $92 million on him is crazy. City spent just over $62 million for Haaland. Højlund is 20 and has yet to experience Premier League football. While I think he may be good in the future, I think he is in for a rude awakening next year. Højlund will be this year’s flop.
CB: I don’t think Szoboszlai does great for Liverpool especially if they don’t get a defensive midfielder like Lavia to play behind him. Yes they needed a midfield overhaul but him and Mac Allister can’t do it all by themselves.
TD: Rasmus Hojlund. Too much money. Not enough sizzle.
JW: Not necessarily that he will be a complete flop, but I do think Mason Mount will have his share of struggles for Manchester United this season. It also does not help that he has picked up the cursed No. 7 on his shirt.
First manager to be ‘mutually consented’? (Non-Julen Lopetegui division)
JP: I’m hopeful that Sheffield United are self-aware enough to not bin Paul Heckingbottom at the first sign of trouble. Maybe it’s David Moyes, who seems like he’s always on the verge of the sack at West Ham? Rob Edwards is simply too handsome to be sacked by Luton or any other club with working eyeballs and a beating heart.
I’m going to go a little left field here and say Roy Hodgson. It won’t necessarily be because Crystal Palace perform all that badly. Rather it will be that Uncle Woy, at age 76, realizes that there are better things to do than manage middling Premier League clubs, even if they are the club that you watched as a boy back in the 1960s.
JF: Paul Heckingbottom. Sheffield United has not done enough to strengthen its squad this summer, and quite frankly, I don’t think Heckingbottom is a Premier League manager. I think he is a great Championship manager, but I do not think he is or his squad will be ready for life back in the Premier League.
CB: I believe that Sean Dyche is the victim of a very incompetent Everton board. Finally completing the Danjuma signing is nice but doing virtually nothing afterwards, especially since they escaped relegation by the skin of their teeth is foolish. If the Toffees start the season on a losing run I could absolutely see Dyche being the first scapegoat at Goodison Park.
TD: David Moyes
JW: Paul Heckingbottom is going to be sacked first by Sheffield United. Some personal bias after his dreadful spell at Leeds in 2018, before Marcelo Bielsa took over, and we saw how that went. Sure the Blades are a newly promoted side but they will be struggling from the get-go and only moving on from Heckingbottom will ultimately save their season.
Finally, your most outrageous prediction for the upcoming season.
JP: Spurs to lead the Premier League in goals scored … and goals conceded.
JF: Burnley beats City at the Etihad. This just feels like it has to happen. Vincent Kompany, a Manchester City legend, leading his Burnley side to victory against his former club in his former home. This would be the stuff of dreams, and I have a feeling that it is going to happen.
CB: Bruno Fernandes wins PFA player of the year in his first season as captain.
TD: Arsenal doesn’t win the Premier League but wins the Champions League.
JW: Vincent Kompany subs himself into a match to try and save Burnley from relegation. Kompany was a player-manager for Anderlecht in 2019 so there’s always a chance he could do it again.
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