Thanksgiving Foods Ranked
Thanksgiving… a time when you’re forced to spend time with family you love, and family that you can’t stand. You will probably end up getting into an argument about different political preferences or about something else that is trivial and end up in a screaming match with another family member.
But the saving grace for this sacred holiday is always the food and how it’s able to bring us all together. Despite this though, not all Thanksgiving food is made equally and some foods rank higher than others. So join me as I attempt to rank the different foods eaten on Thanksgiving.
Turkey: C Tier
Let me start this off by saying that Turkey is one of the most overrated meats out there. I don’t know why out of all the meats in the world the settlers picked the driest and hardest to cook. Turkey isn’t necessarily bad but it’s far from being great. It’s bland and I can guarantee that people don’t ever eat turkey outside of Thanksgiving. It’s a meat that is carried by its association with the holiday but can never be an elite type of food for me. And people who make lists and have Turkey as one of the best Thanksgiving foods are people who shouldn’t have opinions and belong in prison.
Ham: A Tier
Ham is another controversial one. Not due to its flavor or how good it is, but more so because it’s not technically a traditional Thanksgiving food. And while my family doesn’t do ham on Thanksgiving I’ve had enough ham in my life to know that we should. The adoption of ham during Thanksgiving is in my opinion a result of how bad turkey is. Ham is far and away better than turkey and is a meat that you will actually enjoy eating. I wish our settlers decided to use ham instead of turkey because I know that would make my Thanksgiving a lot more enjoyable.
Stuffing: D Tier
This one may raise some controversy. But let me just say that Stuffing is absolutely disgusting and has no business on a table during Thanksgiving. I’ve come to learn that opinions on stuffing are very split and it’s one of those things people either love or hate. It at least has a flavor unlike turkey but it doesn’t help if that flavor is gross. Overall stuffing is just a food I despise and I know I may be being harsh towards it but I can’t justify giving a rating higher than D
Mashed Potatoes With Gravy: S Tier
Let me start this by saying that Mashed Potatoes on their own are probably a B-tier. Still very good but nothing really anything to write home about. But when you throw that Gravy on top it takes it to a whole other level. The mix of flavors you get when taking a bite is just so divine and is unlike any other food on that table. If you think this belongs in any other tier then you are just wrong and probably need to check yourself into a mental institution.
Mac and Cheese: A Tier
What can I say about Mac and Cheese that hasn’t already been said? It’s probably the most commonly eaten Thanksgiving dish outside the holiday and for good reason. A good Mac and Cheese is to die for and on Thanksgiving when paired with ham and turkey it’s simply heaven-sent. It’s never going to shine as a stand-alone dish but the versatility it shows as a side is simply too much to ignore and firmly belongs in A tier.
Green Beans: B Tier
I know some of you usually have green bean casserole on Thanksgiving. And let me just say if you do that then you are crazy. Why would you take something as good as green beans and change it? The saying is if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, and green beans certainly don’t need to be fixed. When seasoned properly green beans can be one of the best foods on Thanksgiving. However, people’s inability to season food properly means a lot of people, unfortunately, end up eating nasty green beans. Hence the B-tier rating.
Dinner Rolls: C Tier
Now I would personally have dinner rolls in A or B tier as I’m a pretty basic guy with basic taste buds. But I am at least able to acknowledge that rolls by themselves are a pretty mid food. However, throwing some butter or even gravy on a dinner roll is a complete game changer and makes it one of my favorite dishes. Again though, ranking these foods by themselves with nothing added than I can’t justify putting Rolls in a tier higher than C
Cranberry Sause: F Tier
I don’t have much to say about cranberry sauce other than the fact that it sucks. It’s not even a real “food” and doesn’t even serve its role as a “condiment well.” It doesn’t make any of the foods better and just ruins it with how sweet and strong it is. I never ever put cranberry sauce on anything and if you do then I’m sorry but there is something seriously something wrong with you. If cranberry sauce ceased to exist it would be a good thing and houses everywhere would benefit come Thanksgiving.
Pumpkin Pie: C Tier
Now we make our way to the dessert tier. And while pumpkin pie is a staple for Thanksgiving, its reputation can’t make up for just how mid it is. Pumpkin pie isn’t really bad but I just find that it’s kinda bland. I’ve also never been a fan of the texture of it and overall just find it to be a very mid-tier dessert. Ice cream improves it a little bit but in general, the flavor of pumpkin is pretty basic and bland hence it’s ranking of C tier
Apple Pie: A Tier
Now it’s time for the real dessert to enter the conversation. Apple pie runs laps around basic ass pumpkin pie and it’s really not even close. Apple pie actually has flavor and is something you can actually enjoy eating and not feel forced to enjoy. It’s a dessert that is also aided by ice cream but even on its own its leaps and bounds ahead of its pumpkins brother. The warm sweetness of the apple mixed with that hard crust is just irresistible and is what I always look forward to after a hardy meal.
Ok so now that every food has been placed in a tier let me rank the foods from top to bottom so its clear as to what food is ranked where.
Mashed potatoes w/gravy, Mac and Cheese, Ham, Apple Pie, Green Beans, Turkey, Dinner Rolls, Pumpkin Pie, Stuffing, and Cranberry sauce.
I know this list is going to be controversial to a lot of you and I’m sure you’re going to have very different opinions than me. And even though those opinions are wrong I would still love to hear them down below.
But in all seriousness I hope everyone reading this has a great Thanksgiving and gets to spend some quality time with family while watching football. The day will also be made better due to the fact that the United States plays England in the group stage to make the world cup. And although I am far from a soccer fan I will for sure be tunning into that game and I hope you will too.
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