I’m not a Swift fan
I’m not a Swift fan but her version of ‘Last Christmas’ is bad even by her standards. Photo by Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP, File

Nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes, and retailers playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. As someone who works retail, I didn’t mind it though. It was a welcome escape from listening to Taylor Swift ten times a day. For those that don’t know I’m not a Swift fan.

Then ‘Last Christmas’ came on. Except it wasn’t WHAM! singing it. Or even the fantastic cover by Jimmy Eat World. Instead, it was this whiny ‘look at me’ voice making a complete and utter balls of a classic as we would say back home.

I had to ask a co-worker who it was so I could make sure never to listen to it again. Lo-and-behold I was informed it was Taylor Swift. Now I can’t repeat the words I used after finding this out as they are not suitable for publishing and because Trey, chairman of the Swifties, might fire me but they were very much R-rated. I mean re-record your crappy songs as much as you want but leave the classics alone.

Now I know I’m gonna have her little teenie-bopping fans come after me (Trey included) but frankly I don’t care. I speak the truth and if you don’t like it I’m sure you’ll try to write a song about it. And it’ll be bad just like every one of her songs.

At least the Vendetta fans know what’s up. Back in May, they told you who the true Queen was. Hayley Williams.

Disagree? Don’t @ me. Cause I don’t care. I’m right and you’re wrong. Simple as that.

As a bonus, here are some decent Christmas songs that you SHOULD be listening to.

The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl — Fairytale of New York

Wizzard — I wish it could be Christmas every day

Slade — Merry Christmas Everybody

Kurt Russell — Santa Claus is back in town

Bon Jovi — Back Door Santa