Joe Kelly
(Bob Levey/Getty Images)

Joe Kelly is a national treasure. The man just did what needed to be done. Baseball fans were lamenting not being able to boo the Houston Astros during the 2020 MLB Season. And rightfully so. After the Astros cheating scandal, they deserve to be ridiculed. That’s the bare minimum. They also deserved suspensions, which none of them got. The Houston Astros players served a grand total of 0 games suspension for blatantly cheating. Enter Joe Kelly, the hero we don’t deserve.

Joe Kelly Throws at People Who Deserved to be Thrown at

In the bottom of the 6th inning, with a 5-2 lead, Joe Kelly threw behind Alex Bregman. Like, way behind him.

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if this one wasn’t on purpose. A video of Kelly breaking a window in his house with an errant throw went viral a couple months ago. He didn’t shed any light on the intent of the pitch behind Bregman, bluntly saying after the game, “My accuracy isn’t the best.”

The 96 mph pitch behind Bregman probably got the message across, regardless of intent. But that wasn’t all. The real fireworks started when Kelly threw a breaking ball pretty darn close to Carlos Correa.

It gets better. Kelly struck out Correa in the same at-bat, then mocked him while coming off the mound.

Reading Joe’s lips, it appears he said, “You need to cheat to hit,” among other choice things. What a king.

Joe Kelly Gets Suspended for…Making Some Faces?

Joe Kelly then received an eight-game suspension the following day, which is utterly ridiculous. Again, no Astros players were suspended for cheating their way to a championship. As a member of the Red Sox, Kelly was involved in a 2018 altercation with the Yankees that resulted in a six-game suspension. Here’s a handy chart that should get my point across:

Joe KellyPitcherJoe Kelly
2018Year2020
YesWas a Batter Hit?No
YesBenches-Clearing Brawl?No
I don’t know, maybeWere Faces Made?Yup
6Games Suspended8

So no batters were hit, no punches were thrown, yet you suspend him for longer than you did when both those things happened? How does that make sense?

Logically, if Major League Baseball suspends Kelly based on the perceived intent of his actions and to discourage others from doing the same, they’re implicitly admitting that the Astros deserve it. By suggesting that other pitchers would probably want to throw at them too, they’re acknowledging that there must be a reason why. I wonder what that reason could be.

Twitter Time!

Based on the Twitter reactions I’m seeing, only Astros fans think Kelly deserved a suspension. Everyone else was sounding off on Rob Manfred for allowing this garbage to happen.

The Dodgers broadcast team had some hilarious comments of their own in the following game:

The conclusion is pretty simple. Free Joe Kelly. Fire Rob Manfred. I cannot think of a single decision the MLB Commissioner has made, especially over the last calendar year, that has been a good decision. From punishing Joe Kelly while the Astros skate by, to trying to move the pitcher’s mound back, to getting rid of numerous minor league teams, to the handling the COVID-19 situation, it’s all been bad. There is nothing redeemable about the job he has done as Commissioner, and he is undoubtedly the worst commissioner in professional sports by a wide margin.

In closing, Thank You Joe Kelly. Thank you for prioritizing the integrity of baseball above yourself and exercising justice when the people running the sport couldn’t care less. Also, thanks for making those hilarious faces at Carlos Correa.

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