Le’Veon Bell Trade Packages
The nightmare seems to be finally coming to an end. A recent report indicates the Jets are going to trade Le’Veon Bell before the trade deadline. Of course, the Bell signing had a zero percent chance of working. The Jets brass will finally move on sooner rather than later.
Now that Bell has been officially made available, it would be a fun exercise to project potential trade packages. What could the Jets reasonably receive in a potential trade?
Washing Machine?
Washing machines are valuable. Hell, I only learned how to do my own like five years ago (even though I rarely do it). Frankly, Le’Veon Bell has been bad, so they need to wash the stink of his number 26. The entire Jets team stinks. It’s by far the worst roster in the NFL as they currently sit at 0-5. The New Jersey Nets traded Kyle Korver for a copy machine. Are you going to tell me Bell has more value than peak Korver?
Advil?
Bell has been a constant headache with the Jets. A supply of Advil would likely be more than enough in a trade for Bell. The Jets already got rid of one headache in Jamal Adams, a transaction that seems to be working out well, by the way. Stocking up on headache medicine might be a great way to go here.
Isaiah Thomas?
Since we’re on the topic of delusional, broken down stars, why not swap Bell for Isaiah Thomas? A year ago, Bell had 245 carries and averaged a paltry 3.2 yards per attempt. Bell then dared to ask for more carries. Remember when Isaiah Thomas was traded to the Lakers, and he refused to come off the bench? That was hilarious—trade one delusional cancer for another.
David Johnson?
Why not swap one overpaid washed running back for another overpaid washed running back? Nevermind, Bill O’Brien got fired. The Texans (probably) won’t be as stupid anymore.
Draft Picks?
When I say draft picks, the Jets would have to use draft picks to get rid of him. The Jets will pay the remaining $2.5 million roster bonus Thursday. Still, nobody is paying Bell’s salary in 2021. Bell has $24.5 million over the last two years of his contract. Who’s paying that when there’s no guaranteed money after this year?
Who would give up a draft pick to acquire a high-priced running back who’s statistically one of the league’s worst players? Call it the Chandler Parsons problem. If you want to get rid of Bell, you need to attach picks to him (or release him).
Bread and Butter Pickles?
Let’s give you a hypothetical. If you had a choice to get rid of one for the rest of time, do you get rid of the coronavirus or bread and butter pickles? You want to talk about a tough choice? This is it right here. Pickles are one of the greatest gifts the earth has given us. Bread and butter flavored? Get out. There’s a lot of crazy people that don’t have taste buds. Some people think Lev Bell can still play football, seems like a fair trade to me.
Celebrity death match with Adam Gase?
What’s a better idea than this? The winner gets to stay with the Jets (or loser, honestly)—Le’Veon Bell vs. Adam Gase. There are so many things we could do here. Have them battle in an old school jousting match: Rock, Paper, Scissors showdown to the death. Think about the ratings this could pull?
