Head Coach & Quarterback Bar Brawl Power Rankings
We all see the basic power rankings, so it’s time to spice things up. Here’s a ranking of the head coach and quarterback pairings in a bar brawl.
Basic rules:
Starting quarterbacks only. If it is a competition the starter will be determined by who is taking first-team reps and who is listed as the starter on the team depth chart. This ranking was also made by individually ranking the coaches and quarterbacks on how scared I would be if I encountered them in a bar fight setting. Then I put those two rankings together and got the average, and that was how I came to this final list.
32. Mike McDaniel & Tua Tagovailoa
Kicking off these power rankings are the coach and quarterback of the Miami Dolphins. There isn’t much to be said here but these two are the pairing I would be least afraid to see in a bar fight. Tua was ranked in the bottom third largely due to his struggles to stay healthy, with McDaniel being ranked dead last. Someone had to show up here.
31. Frank Reich & Matt Ryan
Although these two definitely have experience on their side, they just don’t strike me as fearful or people to be afraid of.
30. Nick Sirianni & Jalen Hurts
This ranking was very much so carried by Jalen Hurts, I had him ranked at 16 but his head coach brought him way down being ranked at 31. I don’t fear Nick Sirianni, he doesn’t give off radiating confidence or have that strong of a demeanor.
29. Kevin O’Connell & Kirk Cousins
There just isn’t much to fear here. Kirk Cousins doesn’t come off as this guy who’d rock your world in a bar fight, and the same applies to Kevin O’Connell.
28. Doug Pederson & Trevor Lawrence
A coach who sucks at preparing plus an unproven young guy? No fear here.
27. Matt LaFleur & Aaron Rodgers
Great combination on the football field, not much to fear off the field. There’s some veteran scrappy here that puts them above the other entries, and I’d fear Aaron Rodgers more than Kirk Cousins or Matt Ryan.
26. Lovie Smith & Davis Mills
This was carried entirely by Lovie Smith as longneck Davis Mills landed dead last among quarterbacks. You simply don’t mess with someone like Lovie Smith, I mean look at the beard! That’s the beard of a man you don’t mess with, just a shame Davis Mills drags him down.
25. Kliff Kingsbury & Kyler Murray
This is all youth and energy driven. Seeing a small guy like Kyler just isn’t intimidating although his speed and agility do make him a tough fight.
24. Pete Carroll & Drew Lock/Geno Smith
The quarterback here is almost irrelevant. But Pete Carroll has that energy and presence of someone younger, along with the experience of age on his side.
23. Arthur Smith & Marcus Mariota
I feel this ranking here is where we exit the bottom tier for a level above where these next nine pairings are all great foes but there are small things making a difference. The only issue here is Mariota just isn’t as intimidating as the next quarterback.
22. Josh McDaniels & Derek Carr
McDaniels comes from Belichick so you just know he has some tricks up his sleeve. As for Derek Carr, have you seen that picture of him death staring at the camera? That’s a man you don’t mess with at the bar.
21. Bill Belichick & Mac Jones
Master over the student.
20. Matt Eberflus & Justin Fields
Eberflues has the experience and Justin Fields is just so incredibly physically gifted. A man who’s 6’2 and almost 230? Not dealing with that.
19. Kevin Stefanski & DeShaun Watson
Watson is just a bit smaller than Fields and Stefanski seems like a tougher opponent than Eberflus.
18. Dennis Allen & Jameis Winston
They’re this low because of Winston’s injury, but Dennis Allen has experience on his side and I’d worry about him sitting in the back and planning while also being able to get his hands dirty himself.
17. Zac Taylor & Joe Burrow
Joe Burrow has that eye of the tiger.
16. Todd Bowles & Tom Brady
Lots of experience and Brady has that psycho mentality that should terrify anyone.
15. Ron Rivera & Carson Wentz
Rivera was the 8th ranked coach, Carson Wentz’s seemingly weak mind and ability to get hurt often despite his big frame is what’s really holding this team back.
14. Robert Saleh & Zach Wilson
Wilson, I’m not scared of, but Saleh could probably take out most of the previous pairs by himself.
13. Brandon Staley & Justin Herbert
Big strong Herbert.
12. Andy Reid & Patrick Mahomes
Big Red, and Mahomes does crazy stuff on the football field, it wouldn’t surprise me if he has a mean right hook.
11. Nathaniel Hackett & Russell Wilson
Always fear the bald guy, and I mean the clean bald guy because he has accepted it and has no shame. Russell Wilson may be shorter but he’s thick and has some strength behind him.
10. Kyle Shanahan & Trey Lance
Kyle Shanahan is young, fit, and smart, Trey Lance is a hell of a physical specimen.
9. Mike Tomlin & Mitch Trubisky
Trubisky is bigger and a better athlete than he gets credit for and I’d be terrified of Mike Tomlin.
8. John Harbaugh & Lamar Jackson
The athleticism is ridiculous here, I ain’t messing with John Harbaugh and an elite athlete.
7. Matt Rhule & Sam Darnold
Rhule has some size to him and Darnold is a massive human being, not going to screw with them.
6. Mike McCarthy & Dak Prescott
McCarthy just seems like he’s been through some intense bar brawls in his life, he’s built for the occasion. As for Dak Prescott, he’s massive. Size wins big-time in a bar brawl setting.
5. Sean McVay & Matthew Stafford
Same reasons as Shanahan & Lance, but I’d be more fearful of Stafford than the young gun in Trey Lance, and more scared of McVay than Kyle.
4. Brian Daboll & Daniel Jones
Daboll drives a Ford Raptor, and most truckers know how to handle themselves in a bar fight. Daniel Jones is a very underrated athlete.
3. Dan Campbell & Jared Goff
Former NFL tight end, Jared Goff is what’s holding this back from contending for number one.
2. Sean McDermott & Josh Allen
Josh Allen is massive, help.
1. Mike Vrabel & Ryan Tannehill
Former linebacker who puts his body on the line for helping the defensive linemen practice, seriously Vrabel gets the defensive linemen to hit him. The hands-down best coach on this list followed by a large human being in Ryan Tannehill, no surprise here to cap off our power rankings.
So which head coach and quarterback combination would you be terrified to see across a smokey bar? Did my power rankings get it right? If your rankings don’t have Vrabel and Campbell in the top three you’re doing it entirely wrong.
