Fake Trade Fetish Doctor Bill Simmons Apologizes For Creating Illegal Trades, Proposes Illegal Trade Two Seconds Later
Hide your kids, hide your wife, and beware of the fake trade fetish doctor. Luckily, Bill Simmons records his podcasts remotely where his guests don’t have to actually see him in person. Otherwise, I’m afraid they may be in danger of taking stray shots of hard objects and weird liquid substances that are often found via black light.
Truth be told, nobody gets hornier off of fake NBA trades than Bill Simmons. It’s all this guy does anymore. Simmons doesn’t write anymore. Doesn’t have the work ethic for it. He was too lazy to run his own company. He passed it off to Spotify so he can show up and talk for two hours about how horned up he got using the trade machine.
This time… oh, I have quite the story to tell. The fake trade fetish doctor REALLY outdid himself this time.
A: I can’t believe the asshole running Bill Simmons’ YouTube account (You know he’s way too lazy to create these edits himself) put this man out to dry like this. It’s a six minute clip that basically exposes Simmons for the fraud he is. I would have never found it if this wasn’t clipped.
B: This man recorded two podcasts (Link to Mahoney show) (Link to Russillo show) creating all these fake Kevin Durant trades that are totally illegal. Because the Nets already have Ben Simmons on the roster, they are not allowed to acquire another rookie extension guy via trade.
Simmons spent HOURS reviewing fake trades that quite literally can’t happen. You would think a guy that calls himself a basketball historian would know the CBA rules.
Maybe I’m being too harsh on Bill. He’s got more money than he knows what to do with. We all have to get our nut on somehow, someway. Proposing fake illegal trades obviously gets his egg plant emoji going. At least the man knows what he wants even if he can never have it!
C: Simmons apologizes during the show for not knowing the rules. Five seconds later immediately proposes a Kevin Durant for Trae Young deal. Of course, Young can’t be traded either straight up for Durant because Young falls under that rookie extension rule.
I promise you I’m not making this up. All you have to do is watch that YouTube clip above. He acknowledged he didn’t know the rules and apologized for wasting everyone’s time. Immediately does the same thing further proving he knows nothing about basketball.
Maybe we shouldn’t judge old Bill. Everybody is into different things. If Bill wants to go into his basement and create heavy friction in the downstairs area because of fake NBA trades, more power to him. If anyone has access to his computer history, we already know what we would find. A laundry list of fake trades and a sticky spot on the keyboard.
If Bill Simmons wants to wack it to fake trades, be my guest. I just think it’s fair to point out that maybe some fetishes are a problem. Spend four hours creating fake trades, apologizes for having them be illegal, and immediately makes the same mistake? That sounds like someone that has a problem. Someone that maybe should seek some guidance or help.
The first step to fixing the problem is admitting you have a problem. I’d be willing to bet almost anything at this point Simmons has had one of those exciting dreams after KD requested a trade. This man needs SERIOUS help. At this point, what else is he doing other than crying for help?
If Simmons had any self respect before, it’s gone now. Maybe he should change his name to Ben? They sound like they would be great friends. Talented, lazy, zero work ethic, delusional, and needs serious help. Should they move in together?
Actually, that’s impossible. Sources indicate that Bill and Ben don’t get along because Bill decided to fake trade Ben to six different locations. Ben isn’t happy and has decided not to report to the Bill Simmons household. What a shame!
