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NHL 23

Photo via EA Sports

The NHL 23 Season Sim Is Laughably Bad

NHL 23
Photo via EA Sports

NHL 23 Could Not Be More Wrong With Their Predictions

NHL 23, you good? EA’s simulation for the new NHL season is so bad, I should not even be writing about it. This does not deserve to even be talked about. But yet, here I am. I am here to help you guys find out exactly how this NHL season WILL NOT go. Some of you might be saying that I am too harsh or passing judgement too early. Don’t take it from me, folks. See for yourself the fever dream season that EA concocted:

I think that I need glasses after how much my eyes hurt from reading that. The only thing I can slightly agree with is the awards and player stats. However, even there I have some disagreements. For starters, how do only EIGHT players hit the 90-point mark? For reference, there were sixteen players who did that last season. And there were eight who hit the hundred point mark in 2021-2022. Did I miss something? Are they making the nets smaller? I don’t think that scoring is going to magically decrease overnight.

And that Top 10 list is even grinding my gears. Johnny Gaudreau is going to worse team in Columbus, yes. But I would think he’s good for close to 90 points if he’s with Laine for the season, right? JT Miller scored 99 points last season. Why would his production dip by 10+ points while he’s in his prime and playing with a shiny new contract? I for one also think that Johnathan Huberdeau is gonna dominate in Calgary. He can’t even get 90 points from playing with Kadri or Elias Lindholm? I could go all day with players I think deserve to be there. But I digress…

They Have WHO Making The Playoffs?

Look, I like what Seattle is building. There’s no reason to sound any alarm bells as to how they’re constructing this team. Matty Beniers and Shane Wright could be their 1-2 punch for the next 10-15 years. But EA thinks they’re gonna be THIRD in the Pacific Division? In their second season? Look, I understand what happened to Vegas in their first year. But any chance of that happening in Seattle has flown out of the window. I am really struggling to think of how they can be better than pretty much any team except San Jose this season.

Especially when you consider the tire fire going on in the crease. Phillipp Grubauer has been nothing short of a disaster in net. The Kraken will come good some day, but absolutely not in 2023. How could EA do their cover star so dirty by having the Ducks in seventh?? It just leaves me with so many questions. Vegas is absolutely gonna make the playoffs this year. It could be in third place, fourth place, whatever. They’ve given up too much to afford missing it again. The Kings and Ducks will also be very much in the fight, but I think Vancouver will make the dance this time around. They have too much firepower to miss it if you ask me.

Another Head Scratcher

The Penguins are still a playoff team, yes. But no way in the world are they winning a Stanley Cup. They are a Crosby or Letang injury away from completely falling apart. Besides, I see the Rangers or Hurricanes as much more likely to make it out of the Metro than them. We already saw what the Blueshirts did to them last year. In the first round, I would think that Carolina does pretty much the same thing. I do think that Father Time will catch up to Crosby, but not quite yet. Also, the Leafs are not making the conference finals. No way, Jose. EA tried to be slick there but I see right through it. One of the Florida teams will make their way to the third round, and I personally see the Hurricanes finally making that leap forward and having a legit deep run.

One more thing: I don’t think Columbus threw a boatload of money at Johnny Gaudreau just to finish last in the division. I think the Flyers still have a long way to go. Furthermore, as much as it hurts me to say this, my New York Islanders could be flirting with last place if they have another slow start. It is by no means guaranteed, but I am just feeling really pessimistic about the playoffs for this team.

I could go on and on about how awful that season sim is. However, I just wanted to touch on the biggest swings and misses of the season. I’m sure that any hockey fan will see so much stuff wrong with this list. Whether it’s the standings, scorers, or playoffs, have your pick.

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