I Think Only Fans Is Weird, And You Should Too

Only Fans does not have a fan in me. I’ve tried it and it’s weird as fuck. If you, as a man, think Only Fans is normal, you probably haven’t had sex with a real woman in real life.

I’m Not a Hater

Look, I’m all about the paper chase. I’ve said it before if you got the supply get paid for the demand. Ladies (or guys) if these simps are willing to break bank for your nudes, you got that.

I’m a firm believer in freedom. If you aren’t inhibiting someone else’s rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, do you boo-boo. Do you.

This blog has nothing to do with the individuals that are using Only Fans to snap necks and cash checks.

Such A Weird Dynamic

The messaging feature is just weird. I don’t condemn people looking for nakedness. I proudly pay a nominal monthly fee for a premium Pornhub account (btw worth every penny).

The weird thing is Only Fans models messaging the consumer.

Call me old fashioned, but I believe masturbation should be done in the shame and privacy of your own bathroom/bedroom. Once I blow my load I don’t need/want a DM asking me to spend money on more porn.

And I get it, some of it is about the advertisement. However, a selling point for Only Fans models is responding to DMs. It’s fucking weird bro. Nut up and talk to women in real life.

Dick Picks

Before we continue, I think we should stop and talk about something that is topic adjacent. Unsolicited dick picks.

Fellas, it’s 2021, lets leave the dicks picks in the past. I promise you unless explicitly requested, no woman is looking for your dick pick. You’re not Thad Castle and you don’t play for Blue Mountain State.

I might be a washed-up, former athlete with narcissistic tendencies and a drinking problem, but I can proudly say I never sent an unsolicited dick pick. Fellas in 2021 we’re sending unsolicited dog picks. Get with the program or get out.

Back On Schedule

Getting back on topic, dick ratings are probably the weirdest dynamic with Only Fans.

Fellas I can promise you, no matter how good your dick looks (pause) these women do not fucking care. Think about it. You are paying them.

You could have the one-est star dick of all one-star dicks in the world and they will not tell you that. It’s a numbers game. If they tell you how they really feel about your dick you won’t spend more money on their page.

I might be showing my age here, but what happened to the good ole days where if men wanted to be lied to by women that are out of their league they would do it in person at the strip club? You clowns are on the internet looking like Butter in that one episode of South Park.

Also, how low is your self-esteem that you have to buy reviews of your dick from strangers on the internet? If you buy dick reviews on the internet I can only assume you’re a virgin.

In Conclusion

Ladies, you’re peaking. You’re in the prime of your lives *slow clap*. Fellas, no more dick pics. Stop being weird on the internet. Go outside. Talk to women in real life (just don’t be weird about it). If you want to tell me your opinion on Only Fans get in my mentions on Twitter but remember, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK JABRONI.

As Promised

Consider this the first official unsolicited dog pick of 2021. This fluffy girls name is Chloe and you can follow her on Only Fans (JK).