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Don’t Eat The Cheese: 2022 Fantasy Hockey Defensemen Busts

Fantasy Hockey
The Don’t Eat the Cheese fantasy series is back with 2022 fantasy hockey defensemen busts. Who should you avoid? (Roy K. Miller/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Don’t Eat The Cheese: 2022 Fantasy Hockey Defensemen Busts

Finding defensemen is hard. It’s really easy to overdraft them and have them kill your team. No need to worry. That’s why we have the Don’t Eat the Cheese series. Let’s all get the brakes out to pump down on that hype machine. Here are your 2022 fantasy hockey defensemen busts!

*ESPN Rankings for reference.

1: Moritz Seider (Detroit Red Wings) D4, 28th overall

I understand the hype. Moritz Seider will be, and is already very good. However, let’s hit the brakes a tad. C’mon now. Are we being cereal? D man 4? He’s 21 and still plays for a bad hockey team. Yes, I said bad. The Wings can add David Perron all they want. It’s still a team that finished 6th in the Atlantic a year ago behind Buffalo.

Pump the brakes. Slam on them actually.

I am a big fan of Seider. His potential is through the roof. There’s still development that needs to take place. It’s not like Seider is a top 5 guy in real life right now. His CF% of 47.7 would indicate there are still warts here.

43 of Seider’s 50 points last year came via assist. I think Seider will likely get a monster chunk of ice time again but we’re still talking about the Red Wings. Can I just bookmark Seider collecting all of the assists on what is best case an average hockey team? Not sure I buy it.

Seider is a monster but we have gone too far. We’re at least one year too soon to justify this ranking. With further thought, you know what this is? This right here is the girl your buddy tries to get with in the DMS based on one awkward hi. Let it play out. Tone it down with the Seider horny meter. The Eggplant emojis don’t need to come out yet.

2: Seth Jones (Chicago Blackhawks) D8, 42nd overall

I am more hesitant to question this call but it’s still the Blackhawks. I’m forced to fade the idea of Seth Jones being a top 42 play. I can’t imagine how they’re not a tire fire. Losing Alex DeBrincat matters, which is an obvious understatement. Patrick Kane could be gone any given day. I just don’t want anything Blackhawk related this high in the draft. Furthermore, Jones isn’t even a good real-life player anyway.

3: Brent Burns (Carolina Hurricanes) D10, 54th overall

Listed in the toughest calls blog, I just can’t buy this one and get burned. Heading into year 19, age 37 is a tough call here to make. I get Burns is an anomaly and will get high ice time again in Carolina. If he runs the powerplay and takes Tony DeAngelo’s spot, maybe there is value here.

I just can’t do it. The decline here has already begun. Jaccob Slavin is just the overall better hockey player. How much of a piece of the Carolina offense do you really want? Is that same shot blocking going to be there? Too much risk here to be your potential number one defenseman.

4: Ivan Provorov (Philadelphia Flyers) D18, 85th overall

This one is easy. There is no Flyers player that should even get picked in the top 100. They’re going to be a total disaster. Furthermore, Tony DeAngelo is here now and his best trait is running the powerplay. Provorov isn’t a good puck handler. He never picks up points. Just 31 last year along with a 47.7 CF%. Are you just banking on the block shot totals to be there? No guarantee on that. It’s also not a team that creates easy offense. Hard pass. In fact, Provorov has slid down the rankings for three consecutive years because he’s underachieved in all of them. Are you starting to get it now? Still too high.

5: Justin Faulk (St. Louis Blues) D23, 97th overall

Justin Faulk is boring and carries no upside. Health is always inconsistent and he was on top of it a year ago. Does that sustain? Furthermore, I think I’d rather have Torey Krug anyway. Additionally, St. Louis are considered favorites at this point to land Jakob Chycrun. Scott Perunovich is another young guy they’re hoping takes over offensively. Too many names. Not enough clarity. No real high upside league winning stuff. I can do better elsewhere.

6: Drew Doughty (Los Angeles Kings) D27, 104th overall

I understand you may be ready to throw a brick at my face but hear me out. Doughty didn’t have a good year last year, spent a majority of it injured, and is now Wally Pipped out of what matters. If you watch the games then you know that offensively, Sean Durzi is better than him right now. It’s just the truth. I don’t know if the Kings have the balls to do this but Durzi needs to be the PP1 guy. Has to happen.

Still a good player and plays heavy minutes but man I’m just listening to what my eyeballs tell me. Durzi smells sleeper.

7: Adam Larsson (Seattle Kraken) D37, 149th overall

What’s the goal here? Picking up blocked shots on a bad team? I get it, Larsson is good at it but what don’t we already know here? 140 blocks last year. I’m sure it will be about the same. Will have another low point total. Probably won’t get powerplay time. It’s just snoozefest city over here.

8: Kevin Shattenkirk (Anaheim Ducks) D42, 164th overall

In case you missed it, John Klingberg is in Anaheim now. That means if Jamie Drysdale doesn’t figure it out yet, Shattenkirk isn’t getting those points up for grabs. They’re Klingberg’s now. It’s still a bad hockey team. I’d also rather have Cam Fowler at this point too. Just not sure I get this ranking despite the decorated resume. Those days are just kinda close to donezo.

9: Dysin Mayo (Arizona Coyotes) D46, 192nd overall

12 points last year. 12. Playing for the Coyotes. 40.2 CF% last year. He’s not better than the third best defensemen in Arizona. What exactly are we doing and why is this guy even ranked?

Check out my Don’t Eat The Cheese: 2022 Fantasy Hockey Forward Busts here!

10: Ben Chiarot (Detroit Red Wings) D52, 200th overall

Ben Chiarot stinks. The only thing Chiarot is good for is trying to be the physical force on the ice. You’re not getting anything here fantasy wise. Overpaid, over ranked, overvalued. Hard pass.

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