Bill Simmons ‘Devastated’ Celtics Didn’t Pull Off This Trade With Rockets

Bill Simmons ‘Devastated’ Celtics Didn’t Pull Off This Trade With Rockets

Bill Simmons spent too much time giving himself wristers on the trade machine again. Someone really needs to check on this guy. He really might have scabs and major Indian burns from too much rubbing and tugging on the trade machine.

How can the Celtics improve heading into this year? Simmons wants you to know that he’s ‘devastated’ that Boston didn’t trade Jaylen Brown for Jabari Smith and the 4th pick in the 2023 NBA Draft. No, I’m not joking.

Bill Simmons regrets that his Celtics didn't push for a Jaylen Brown for Jabari Smith Jr and #4 pick trade. pic.twitter.com/dBugWp5aup

— ClutchFans (@clutchfans) July 10, 2023

“I was semi-devastated cuz I do feel like if the Celts had pushed hard for the Jaylen [Brown] for Jabari [Smith] and No. 4, some version of that … That was probably the most logical Jaylen trade,” Simmons said on his podcast.

Can you imagine if the Celtics traded Jaylen Brown for two players who are 20 years old during a win-now window? Does it get any more brain dead? Jabari Smith was lowkey bad as a rookie this past year. Simmons might have gotten a hard-on by watching too much Summer League. Because Summer League performances top second team All-NBA in the mind of that dope!

We also have no idea if this trade was actually on the table. Which it probably wasn’t given that Houston isn’t paying Smith or Thompson anything while on rookie contracts. Houston also used up their cap space right away in free agency.

Fake Trade Fetish Doctor Bill Simmons Apologizes For Creating Illegal Trades, Proposes Illegal Trade Two Seconds Later

Maybe people think I’m being harsh. Why should I care if Simmons wants to use the trade machine as porn? He’s also never apologized for this once. Jaylen Brown turned into a star and the consensus that year was that Boston should take Kris Dunn. We know why Simmons wants Brown gone. Mostly so that he never has to be accountable for his awful take when the Celtics drafted him.

The Celtics just took the 7th pick in the draft at no. 3 and used no. 16 on a French guy sitting in the stands. I'm gonna make a drink.

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) June 24, 2016

I’m genuinely worried about this guy. We’re three years away from Simmons quitting his podcast so that he can spend more time on the trade machine by himself locked in a closet. I love Ryen Russillo, but the fact that he hasn’t slapped Simmons in the face yet makes me lose 10% respect for him. The guy is crying for help and we’re all just watching the Titanic go down every day.

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