Darcy Kuemper
Darcy Kuemper sucks and that’s being generous. What the hell was Joe Sakic thinking? The Avalanche have a major problem on their hands. (David Zalubowski, The Associated Press)

Darcy Kuemper Sucks And That’s Being Generous

Identifying special is often difficult. Identifying bad stinks from a mile away and you can spot it almost instantly. It took me about two seconds to know Mitch Trubisky had zero talent. We know if someone has the ability to sing in about five seconds. That brings us to Darcy Kuemper.

Everybody and their mother knew the Darcy Kuemper trade had a bad smell to it the moment it happened. Even (optimistic?) Avalanche fans knew Kuemper had disaster written all over him. We’re 17 games into the season for the Avalanche and it isn’t too soon to say this. Darcy Kuemper sucks and that’s being generous. What the hell was Joe Sakic thinking?

The most hilarious part of this situation is the fact that Colorado paid a king’s ransom for Kuemper. The word on the street is that Freddie Anderson turned down a similar contract from the Avalanche to sign with the Carolina Hurricanes. Thus far, that decision doesn’t feel like an unwise one. Carolina is downright filthy.

It’s almost as if Sakic had night terrors immediately after and hit the panic button. Colorado shipped Conor Timmins, a 2022 first-round draft pick, and a conditional 2024 third-round draft pick to Arizona for Kuemper. The Avalanche gave up all of that for a 31-year-old goalie who was an impending free agent that 30 starts in a season just once in his 10-year career. This thing NEVER made sense and now the Avalanche are paying the price.

The surface numbers aren’t necessarily horrific. A save percentage of .903 and 2.83 goals allowed per game isn’t atrocious, I guess. It’s also a significant drop off to what Phillipp Grubauer gave Colorado last year. Grubauer has taken a major step back with Seattle which is understandable to an extent. We know that life as a goalie is much easier with a great team in front of you.

It’s exactly why all the advanced stats on Kuemper aren’t as generous. The quality save percentage sits at .467, goals saved above average is a -4.1, and adjusted goals allowed is 3.13. the eye test doesn’t lie here. Kuemper has allowed more than his fair shair of cookies. I don’t think it got uglier than allowing five goals to an awful Ottawa team. Kuemper is surrounded by an all-world team and I’m not sure he could be worse given the circumstances.

Avalanche fans are so desperate that they are screaming from the clouds for Pavel Francouz. Doesn’t that alone tell the story? I’ll be the first to admit I picked Colorado to win the Cup this year. That shit ain’t happening if Kuemper is still in net come playoff time. I’m not sure how the Avalanche solve this issue but Darcy Kuemper sucks and that’s being nice.

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