Colin Cowherd Is Obsessed With Ezekiel Elliott

Colin Cowherd loves Ezekiel Elliott. He loves Zeke so much that his obsession is starting to border on intense stalker levels. Cowherd goes on his show every single day and he cannot go 20 minutes without talking about Zeke. Cowherd is like the shy guy that talks about his crush nonstop and never asks for her phone number. Since the middle of July, Cowherd has talked about the Cowboys running back every single day. Cowherd loves Elliott so much that he looks like he’s going to have a heart attack every single time he mentions Zeke. I’m concerned the poor guy is going to faint.

Like any marriage, Cowherd grows tired of Zeke. He doesn’t like noise. I’m not sure if he realizes how much noise his mouth makes but that’s beside the point. Cowherd threatens for a divorce! He wants the Cowboys to trade Elliott! This way he doesn’t have to talk about him anymore because apparently, the Cowboys make every player more relevant. The same franchise that hasn’t won a Super Bowl since 1995.

Cowherd has moved on. He’s still obsessed with Zeke. It’s like an ex that you know the sex is off the charts but you can’t stand to be around her for more than 20 minutes. He likes hanging out with Zeke during the season. During the offseason, he just wants to breakup again. That’s okay, Cowherd has a new target in mind.

Now Cowherd loves Dak Prescott. When Dak was a hot young broad coming out of Mississippi State, Cowherd wanted nothing to do with that piece of ass. Dak was like Tim Tebow and that was a no go for Colin. Tebow was too religious and that was a turnoff for him. Except there were stretches. Some days Dak looked prettier than others. He would flirt from time to time but never commit.

In more recent days, Cowherd has done a full 180. Dak Prescott has become his great white buffalo. Now, this is the piece of ass Cowherd really wants to take home. Hey, he changes his mind a lot. Just 6 months ago, the Tebow comparisons kept coming up. I mean the way they do their eyeliner just screams Tebow. Talk about leadership! Don’t worry, Prescott isn’t Tebow anymore. That’s a broad that’s about to get paid. Cowherd only wants happiness for him and wants in on that stock. The fact that he was a slept on 4th round pick only makes him more enticing. Just a year ago, Cowherd wanted Kirk Cousins to get paid too. Cousins, of course, didn’t make the playoffs in his first year with the Vikings. I’m sure Prescott won’t follow down a similar path.

Prescott is still hot without all the pretty weapons around him. He doesn’t need ugly or hot friends around him to make him look better. He doesn’t need Ezekiel Elliott. Even though Elliott carries the offense, Dak doesn’t need him. Cowherd has moved on. He’s moved on so much that he will have you believe that Elliott is declining asset. That’s despite that fact that Elliott’s yards per carry mark went up in 2018 compared to 2017. Cowherd is so wrapped up in Zeke that he has to tell himself lies. It lessens the pain. He doesn’t walk with the same pep in his step. He stopped buying fancy heels and Cowherd isn’t interested anymore.

It doesn’t matter that the Cowboys are 16-3 in games where Elliott records 100 rushing yards or more. It doesn’t matter that Dallas is 22-6 when Elliott hits 19 carries in a game. It doesn’t matter that during the 6 game stretch that Zeke was suspended, Dak was awful. Prescott threw 5 touchdowns and 7 interceptions. He also threw for under 220 yards in 5 of the 6 games. Go ahead, trade Ezekiel Elliott. Cowherd is happier with the uglier friend. He wants you to know that. Deep down Cowherd is obsessed with Ezekiel Elliott but the relationship isn’t healthy for him anymore. The judicial issues have started to pile up. It’s time to move on.

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