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Sports Media

Breaking: Jason Witten Is Officially Stupid

Jason Witten
Jason Witten officially declared himself as one of the dumbest human beings on the planet (Alex Brandon / Associated Press)

The new Monday Night broadcast stinks. It’s not because of Joe Tessitore. It’s certainly not because of Booger McFarland either. Who knew Jon Gruden would be sorely missed in the broadcast booth because Jason Witten is horrendous at his job. We all know the only reason he has a job is because Jerry Jones has a hidden agenda and gets his former players integrated into the media. However, what we didn’t know is Jason Witten has a very, very low IQ.

Jason Witten went on a rant about the roughing the passer calls in the NFL but somehow made it a political statement. Apparently, Witten thinks it’s “left wing” to protect quarterbacks?

“It’s just gone too far with that rule,” ESPN’s Jason Witten said regarding the NFL’s enhanced emphasis on roughing the passer. “I knew they wanted to make it about the health and safety and protect these quarterbacks. It just seems like we just went a little bit to the left wing on that, you know, with our approach of trying to protect it because as we said not only are the players frustrated but the coaches, they don’t know how to coach this. That’s when you have a challenge with this rule.”

Here’s a classic example of people thinking the good old days were the prime of human existence. Hint, you sound stupid. Many years ago this country let kids work in factories for 20 hours a day. That’s been outlawed. Did our society become soft or smarter? Was it better when we didn’t require people to wear helmets while riding motorcycles or did we just become smarter? Go piss and shit in a bucket Jason Witten because the modernization of plumbing is probably too left-wing for you. Don’t use toilet paper either to whip yourself because that’s probably too soft, right?

Hey, Jason – Did you watch the Packers last year when Aaron Rodgers got hurt? Nobody did because they were terrible. Guess what, we can’t run over the catcher anymore in baseball or take out the second baseman’s knees anymore to break up a double play. What was the value of that? Baseball is a lot more exciting when the best players aren’t getting their kneecaps broken when we can actually watch them play. If I want to go watch a basketball game, I don’t want to see Aron Baynes elbowing people and grabbing a bunch of rebounds. I turn on the game to watch Kyrie Irving go to work. What is the problem with trying to protect players? Sure, they are overcalling it but at least the NFL is trying. Having the quarterbacks protected isn’t the problem. You know what is a problem? Watching the NFL without Aaron Rodgers, Andrew Luck, and Deshaun Watson last year or watching Mitchell Trubisky do anything this year.

Also, if left-wing values try to protect players, then what does that say about what right-wing values are? Let me get this straight, right-wing doesn’t care about protecting people, got it. Oh, that’s right, it also leaves a lot of people in this country without health insurance. Of course, human beings in this country aren’t smart enough to elect a president like Bernie Sanders that promotes human rights. Instead, this country elected Donald Trump that stands for racism, misogyny, and corruption.

That’s Some Cheese – Episode 19 – 4.6.18

You know what’s also great? ESPN having no comment on Witten’s political take. ESPN threatened to fire Jemele Hill for criticising Trump and basically made her disappear. To no one’s surprise, ESPN had nothing to say about Witten. I guess that’s not surprising considering ESPN has Stephen A. Smith working 20 hours a day because they can barely find people who can speak let alone sound educated. Can we just get Booger McFarland in the booth so we don’t have to listen to Witten’s idiotic takes anymore?

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