Analyzing Dr. Fauci’s First Pitch

Baseball is back, my dudes. About time too. And with the return of America’s Pastime, we also got the return of the ceremonial first pitch. We’ve seen our fair share of bad first pitches over the years, from 50 Cent to John Wall to Carly Rae Jepsen. Enter Dr. Fauci. His first pitch to open the Nationals vs. Yankees game and the 2020 MLB season might take the cake. If you haven’t seen this atrocity of a pitch, here you go:

This first pitch definitely ranks up there with the worst of them, but it’s maybe the worst ever given the context. Baseball fans have been waiting for the season to start for months. This wasn’t just some random game between the Mariners and Royals in late June. No, this was the opening to the 2020 MLB season. And I won’t be completely unreasonable. Dr. Fauci is 79 years old. But at least get it somewhere close to the plate, bounce it in front, whatever. Don’t send it 25 feet wide.

The mechanics leading up to the actual throw weren’t bad for a 79-year-old either. I think Dr. Fauci could probably get it pretty close if you gave him another shot. And that’s the other thing. Just do another take. There aren’t any fans there. You don’t have to broadcast it if he shanks the throw. They had the opportunity to get it right and open the season well and just decided, “nah, this is good enough.” We have waited forever for the season to start. Please get the opening right.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the game only lasted five innings. How depressing. Bad first pitch, incomplete game, the Yankees winning. Just not a good day.

Honestly, I’m blaming Manfred. This is probably his fault somehow. He needs to go.

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