Dear, Substack. Eat My Ass.
I’m not into rimmies. More of a giver than receiver. This is much more of a trash talk kind of vibe, but I’m glad I have your attention now. I didn’t make you pay for it either. No, my friends. I’m here to poo poo on your pyramid scheme BS that some rich prick decided there was a space in the market for the underground cult sports community. So far it’s working but it won’t last long. You and I both know the truth. Substack stinks and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes the Titanic.
The truth hurts but boy does it set you free. Let’s just be honest here? Shall we???
You are the peloton bike of the pandemic. The BReal of social media. The Wordle of internet games. The people who don’t have critical thinking skills will fall victim to your idiotic pyramid scheme because you have enough investors behind it. It will work for a good chunk of time. Investor money covers up for a lot of warts. Long term… we both know how this story is going to go.
A few days ago a lovely writer from The Verge published a story about how Substack is bleeding money. You can read it for yourself if you feel like you need to be further educated on the topic. Give the girl a view because best of all, it’s free to read. What The Verge writer somehow accomplished without trying the quintessential reason why your product will fail.
A: You should never have to pay to access information.
B: Free always wins.
Let’s keep the truth serum going. Your product exists because The Athletic had a sniff of success and you pricks decided to somehow take it a step further. The Athletic already serves as the con artist internet newspaper that had to be bailed out by the New York Times. All Substack really is an expansion upon that same subscription model so it’s available to the general public. Congrats to Chris Best for coming up with the idea con his way to the top!
Chris Best… Are you related to the Fansided guys? No?
Hey, speaking of Chris. This message is strictly for him. Get out while you still can. The valuation of your garbage product is dropping and your business model is completely unsustainable.
Why sugarcoat this? Let’s talk about the actual product itself. All you’re really doing is creating underground cults. Some person writes some words and people pay a fee to access the words. Unless you’re a complete and utter psychopath, you’re not paying that fee.
For starters, it’s morally wrong. Humans should always have access to information. Google and search engines should always be free. Parents aren’t paying a free to send their kids to public school. What’s the end goal here? Everything you read on the internet is going to cost you something? Good luck in this economy. Playing a dangerous game to suggest the world should operate differently.
Times are tough. The sports industry feels cursed. ESPN is on the verge of a massive layoff. Not even a Clay Travis fan but this video is worth watching. SB Nation is cutting sites left and right. Regional sports networks are going under. Everybody is struggling. Except for maybe Trey who is currently writing this in pajamas on the couch. I got to work from home this week on my own schedule. Not sure how many other sports writers can say that right now.
Your workforce is a group of people who have either been laid off and or people too chicken shit to go out on their own. People who aren’t educated enough to realize we live in a capitalistic society or smart enough to maximize the rules in which this country provides you. People too lazy to fill out a couple of extra forms to the point where they would rather get taxed an extra 14% on their income for no reason. Long story short; sheep. Bah! Bah!
Sure, we have lost some good people to this fight already. I beat Gavin so bad in fantasy hockey that it broke his brain to the point where he would rather be a pawn than an important piece at a real network. It’s a shame but that’s your workforce. It’s Bearsfan69 that writes a piece on how his team is winning the Super Bowl. We also have Hawksfan6323 that wants to tell you how they’re winning the East. Underground cults full of fanboys and losers that don’t get how uneducated and delusional they are.
Let’s just keep the truth serum going. This company is five years old and I have 6,000 published articles. All of which are available free of charge. You’re not better at this than I am nor will you find anyone out there who is. I will piss on you when it comes to creating sports content and I’m just way better at it than anyone you employ. Anyone that has ever met me finds out the hard way when they get to know me. I have been given a gift and you won’t win. I had the NBA CBA memorized at the age of 3. Trust me, I’m laughing at you. You’re not competition. The real competition will come when one of these owners calls me and I actually get to run one of them.
Just know that progression isn’t always linear and I’m coming for you. Sure, I’m just some guy from the great state of Pennsylvania. But I grew up in the backwoods. I am everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. For now, I’m just the sports blogger version of Clubber Lang at the beginning of Rocky 3. Long term. Memorize that chart. It won’t be long. I’m going to lap your ass and spit in your mouth from on top. That day is coming. Never estimate what Trey can do when you tell him no. PFF is going bankrupt because they spent too much money on their app. I’m getting mine free of charge by the end of the Summer. Be very afraid, Substack.
Can any one of your sucker writers that works for your Looney Tunes network do a one armed pull up? I will pummel all of you.
You’re always going to be the villain in someone else’s story. I also know the winner is also the one that gets to tell the story. The tale of a corrupt pyramid scheme coward blog site that went broke trying to get people to pay for the access of information. It’s going to be a glorious story to tell when we talk about the failed story of Substack. Now is the time for you to decide which part of the story you want to be part of. The one that went belly up with a workforce full of uneducated fanboys or the renegade sports network that took the world by the balls and created a better tomorrow. The choice is yours. I will you luck upon your decision. Just be very careful when you bet against Trey on the sports thing. Like many of the past that learned the hard way, you’re not going to like the outcome. I promise you that.
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