2022 Mascot Madness
March Madness is the best time of the year and the number of ways to fill out brackets is endless, but imagine if all the schools’ mascots had to fight it out to become the champion. While we know that Gonzaga will likely beat Georgia State on the hardwood, but would a bulldog really beat a panther, and who is named the Peacocks. Welcome to Mascot Madness.
*Rules take the namesake or mascot for each school and have them fight it out in a Mortal Kombat way one-on-one winner takes all.*
Round of 64
West
Gonzaga Bulldogs vs Georgia State Panthers
The first game of this Mascot Madness does not look like a very close one. On one side we have a slobbery house pet and the other a big cat. If they were to cross paths in the wild a panther would probably devour a bulldog before a shot clock could expire.
Boise State Broncos vs Memphis Tigers
In this matchup, a tiger would easily be able to sneak up on a wild horse and take it down. The bronco’s only hope would be to land a few kicks.
UConn Huskies vs New Mexico State Aggies
The UConn mascot is a husky which is a dog while NMSU is an aggie which is a lasso swinging, gun-slinging cowboy. All it would take is the aggie to use the lasso to tie up a husky and take the win.
Arkansas Razorbacks vs Vermont Catamounts
As big as razorbacks are, they are still a type of pig and do not stand much of a chance in a meeting with a catamount. A catamount is similar to a mountain lion and would use sharp teeth and claws to serve himself a nice ham dinner.
Alabama Crimson Tide vs Rutgers Scarlet Knights/Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Since Rutgers and Notre Dame are one of the First Four matchups both of their mascots will be taken into consideration. That consideration does not matter as Alabama’s mascot is an elephant and would stomp all over a knight and leprechaun.
Texas Tech Red Raiders vs Montana State Bobcats
The Red Raiders’ Masked Rider mascot looks almost identical to Zorro wearing all black riding a horse. A bobcat would put up more of a fight than Don Rafael did, but a fight would still go the way of the Masked Rider.
Michigan State Spartans vs Davidson Wildcats
In ancient Greece, Spartans would fight lions and other animals in a colosseum and kill the big cats. Because of this history, they would not have too much of an issue with a much smaller wildcat.
Duke Blue Devils vs CSU Fullerton Titans
This is the first matchup that both have good cases for winning. First, the Blue Devils bring up one major question, how are you meant to stop or kill the devil? It’s not very easy to kill something that rules the dead. Across from them will be a titan who in Greek mythology were gods. So, it’s the devil and a god, call it a tie. But for bracket purposes, the Titans’ mascot is an elephant, and that loses to the Blue Devil.
East
Baylor Bears vs Norfolk State Spartans
While the Spartans of Michigan State had success against animals, the bear is much bigger and stronger than a lion or tiger is. For that reason, the Baylor Bears would wipe the floor one-on-one with a Spartan.
UNC Tar Heels vs Marquette Golden Eagles
Golden Eagles are one of the most dangerous birds of prey and routinely hunt goats or sheep. The Tar Heel ram is very similar to both of those and would also become prey to the lightning-fast bird.
Saint Mary’s Gaels vs Wyoming Cowboys/Indiana Hoosiers
This is not the most interesting matchup. A Gael is a type of monk, Hoosier is the name of people from Indiana, and cowboys are far more dangerous in this scenario than both. Cowboys move on.
UCLA Bruins vs Akron Zips
The Zips have one of the more unique mascots in a kangaroo, but that won’t win its matchups when it comes to taking on a bear.
Texas Longhorns vs Virginia Tech Hokies
Bevo is one of the best mascots in all of college sports and will not be stopped by a turkey. This could go the other way in the game, but here it’s all horns up.
Purdue Boilermakers vs Yale Bulldogs
Another somewhat unexciting match between a boilermaker which is a metalworker working with boilers and a bulldog. Give me the bulldog in this due to slobber cooling off hot metal.
Murray State Racers vs San Francisco Dons
The Racers are named after horse racers while don is a title for a Spanish gentleman. If they came face-to-face I think the racer would come out better.
Kentucky Wildcats vs Saint Peter’s Peacocks
I had never heard of Saint Peter’s before this weekend, but they have hands down the best name in college with the Peacocks. Although the peacock is a cool name, historically cats hunt birds and that is the case here.
South
Arizona Wildcats vs Wright State Raiders/Bryant Bulldogs
Zona wins both in the wild and on the hardcourt. It would be a close battle with both a bulldog and a wolf of Wright State.
Seton Hall Pirates vs TCU Horned Frogs
Horned frogs are not that big and pose no true threat to humans. Therefore, they would probably be stomped on and out by a swashbuckling pirate.
Houston Cougars vs UAB Blazers
UAB’s mascot is a dragon, what more needs to be said.
Illinois Illini vs Chattanooga Mocs
This matchup is a hard one to pick because neither is that impressive. A Moc is named after the state bird of Tennessee, a mockingbird. The Illini were named after an Indian tribe and for a period of time had a mascot called Chief Illiniwek. Going with the Illini in this one.
Colorado State Rams vs Michigan Wolverines
In the cold landscapes of Canada and Alaska wolverines hunt down prey as big as moose, bison, and deer. If it can take down those beasts a ram will stand no chance.
Tennessee Volunteers vs Longwood Lancers
The Volunteer mascot is a dog and the Lancer mascot is a horse. Smokey is too much of a legend to let the size disadvantage scare him off. Dog 1 Horse 0.
Ohio State Buckeyes vs Loyola Chicago Ramblers
A buckeye is a type of nut and the Ramblers have a wolf mascot. Even the biggest buckeye wouldn’t slow down a wolf.
Villanova Wildcats vs Delaware Blue Hens
A funny name does not distract from another cat vs bird matchup. Unlike the peacock’s ability to somewhat fly, the hen will just run around until it ends up in the chops of the cat.
Midwest
Kansas Jayhawks vs Texas Southern Tigers/Texas A&M-Corpus Christi Islanders
If the three teams mascots fought it out the only one in contention would be the tiger of Texas Southern.
San Diego State Aztecs vs Creighton Bluejays
A bird vs some of North America’s most dangerous warriors. Seems kind of one-sided if the Aztecs can manage to track them down.
Iowa Hawkeyes vs Richmond Spiders
Hawks and spiders come together in the wild and hawks usually come out on top. Hawks are one of the animals that prey on spiders.
Providence Friars vs South Dakota State Jackrabbits
Friars are a type of priest and in religion priests and friars are told to respect animals. Because of that the jackrabbit will not be harmed by the friars and will instead go on the offensive.
LSU Tigers vs Iowa State Cyclones
It is going to be very difficult for Mike the Tiger to stop a full-blown cyclone. If Dorothy was whisked away in a twister in her house what chance would a big cat have, next to none.
Wisconsin Badgers vs Colgate Raiders
The Colgate Raider mascot looks like someone preparing to start rowing for the Revolutionary War. Some badgers are extremely aggressive such as honey badgers, but the wild badgers found in Wisconsin are more fearful than fearless. A slim advantage in favor of the raider has them advance.
USC Trojans vs Miami Hurricanes
Trojans were once great warriors, but it does not matter how strong you were, a hurricane has one purpose and that is to destroy everything in its path.
Auburn Tigers vs Jacksonville State Gamecocks
The third Tigers team in this quadrant of the Mascot Madness bracket will have as easy a time as the Texas Southern Tigers will with their bird opponent the Jayhawks. A gamecock is nothing but an appetizer to a full-size tiger.
Round of 32
West
Georgia State Panthers vs Memphis Tigers
The tiger would come away as the victor in a battle with a panther due to a large size advantage. Tigers weigh up to 680lbs while panthers top out at around 160lbs.
New Mexico State Aggies vs Vermont Catamounts
In a cowboy vs mountain lion matchup the advantage goes to the cowboy. Catamount is one of roughly 40 names for a cougar, a Guinness record, and is short for cat-of-the-mountain. Without any mountains to creep around in, the catamount is in trouble against a straight-shooting aggie.
Alabama Crimson Tide vs Texas Tech Red Raiders
Elephants have been known to charge at cars and people that cross into their territory and tend to come out ahead. With that being said I do not see a guy riding a horse slowing down the largest land mammal in the world.
Michigan State Spartans vs Duke Blue Devils
After winning the titanic first round against a titan, the devil will have an easy victory against a Spartan.
East
Baylor Bears vs Marquette Golden Eagles
These are two animals that on occasion do come across each other. For the golden eagle to be successful it would need to land its flying attacks perfectly and avoid being knocked out of the air by massive bear paws. The sheer size of a bear is enough to have it move on to the Sweet 16 of Mascot Madness.
Wyoming Cowboys vs UCLA Bruins
The cowboy won against two bad opponents in the Round of 64 but will have a much tougher time when coming up against a bruin. A bruin is another name for a grizzly bear and those are able to rip a cowboy to shreds.
Texas Longhorns vs Yale Bulldogs
We have already seen this matchup unfold at the 2019 Sugar Bowl when Bevo charged at Georgia’s mascot Uga. If that interaction told us anything it’s that the longhorn is not a fan of the bulldog and would stampede right through the significantly smaller dog.
Murray State Racers vs Kentucky Wildcats
Not that horse racing cannot be dangerous, but compared to a wildcat a horse racer will do a lot less damage than the teeth and claws would. Also as long as the cat goes after the horse the rider will do down with it.
South
Arizona Wildcats vs Seton Hall Pirates
Arghh. The thieves of the sea would be more than capable of stealing their way into the next round against a wildcat. Oceanic animals that pirates would have to deal with appear much scarier and more dangerous than a wildcat.
UAB Blazers vs Illinois Illini
The Illini were very close to not even advancing into this round, while UAB’s dragon was hands down the easiest pick in the first round. They also may be the easiest pick in round two because a dragon would finish off any Indian chief with ease.
Michigan Wolverines vs Tennessee Volunteers
Wolverines are known for being vicious predators that take down the likes of moose and are preyed on by animals like bears and wolves. This does not give much hope for Smokey as the bluetick coonhound poses a much smaller threat to the wolverine than its wild relatives.
Loyola Chicago Ramblers vs Villanova Wildcats
In a dog vs cat matchup, it’s all dogs, especially when that dog is a wolf. Bobcats and lynx are considered wildcats and both of those species are not nearly as powerful as a wolf. Wolves bite with approximately 1,500 PSI which is enough to snap wildcat bones in one bite.
Midwest
Texas Southern Tigers vs San Diego State Aztecs
Aztec warriors were around from 1300 to 1510 and when I looked up pictures the second one that appeared had the warrior wearing the fur of a big cat. Because of that Aztec warriors must have been able to take out big cats and should not have an issue against a tiger.
Iowa Hawkeyes vs South Dakota State Jackrabbits
In the wild hawks feed on rabbits and that is all that is needed to confidently have the hawk move on.
Iowa State Cyclones vs Colgate Raiders
A few raiders are not slowing down this storm anytime soon. A cyclone would spin through and blow away the opposition.
Miami Hurricanes vs Auburn Tigers
Tigers are one of the few cats that enjoy the water, but a hurricane carries more water than a tiger could ever want. Combined with wind speeds ranging from 80 mph to anywhere above 200 mph the poor tiger would not stand a chance.
Sweet Sixteen
West
Memphis Tigers vs New Mexico State Aggies
Another matchup with a big cat for the aggie and this will go the same way as the battle with a catamount. The tiger is much more dangerous than a cougar is and will put up more of a fight, but is still unable to slip past the silver bullets from the aggie.
Alabama Crimson Tide vs Duke Blue Devils
Two of the most despised teams in college sports face off in the Sweet Sixteen of Mascot Madness and once again the lack of ability to harm a devil is the difference. An elephant can only do so much against a mythical being that thrives on death.
East
Baylor Bears vs UCLA Bruins
In a bear vs bear battle, you have to look at the type of bear that each is represented by. Baylor has a pair of live black bears on its campus while a bruin is another name for a brown bear. Brown bears are bigger and stronger than black bears and would defeat the smaller bear.
Texas Longhorns vs Kentucky Wildcats
Hook ‘em. The longhorn comes in much larger than a wildcat and with horns that span 58 inches, it will be easy to outmuscle the cat that at its biggest still measures out to only 49 inches.
South
Seton Hall Pirates vs UAB Blazers
Another easy victory for the dragon mascot of UAB. As savage as pirates are, there is very little possibility of taking down the magical creature.
Michigan Wolverines vs Loyola Chicago Ramblers
One of the few animals that consider wolverines prey are wolves and that is exactly what the Ramblers’ mascot is. No surprise then that the Rambler advances to the Elite Eight.
Midwest
San Diego State Aztecs vs Iowa Hawkeyes
Aztec leaders appear to have kept feathers on their headdresses out of respect for birds. However, that also means that they had to have gotten the feathers somehow and that is not a good sign for the hawks because likely the Aztec warriors hunted birds and took feathers from the prizes.
Iowa State Cyclones vs Miami Hurricanes
It does not get any windier than this. Two forces of nature come up against each other. Both hurricanes and cyclones are very similar in that they spin and destroy everything in the way. The key here is that a hurricane is everything that a cyclone except across the ocean, not the plains. Therefore hurricanes cause major flooding, not just wind damage. Because of that extra little trouble, it is the hurricane moving on.
Mascot Madness Elite Eight
West
New Mexico State Aggies vs Duke Blue Devils
The devil looks poised for a run to the final and gives no chance to an aggie. It is one step closer to mascot superiority for the Blue Devil.
East
UCLA Bruins vs Texas Longhorns
In this heavyweight matchup, two large mammals face off. In one corner the brown bear stands nearly nine feet tall on two feet and weighs in at 1,300 pounds. Across is a longhorn that stands around five feet and weighs up to 1,500 pounds. The tools on hand are claws and teeth for the bruin and horns for the longhorn. If this were a UFC fight it would go to a decision, but in the end, the bruin’s predatory instinct would be the difference-maker. The bruin is the East region champion.
South
UAB Blazers vs Loyola Chicago Ramblers
Similar to their magical run in 2018 the Ramblers find themselves in the Elite Eight of Mascot Madness. Unfortunately for them, this is where the road ends as there is no chance a wolf has the ability to take on a dragon. There may be a tiny chance if it is a large pack of wolves, but no single wolf could even get close to the fire-breathing lizard. UAB’s dragon comes out as the South regional winner.
Midwest
San Diego State Aztecs vs Miami Hurricanes
The U has been blowing away the competition all tournament and that happens once again against the mighty Aztec warriors. Being a natural force is very helpful in this Mascot Madness as there is no simple way to stop them. The second ACC team to win a regional is Miami and its hurricane in the Midwest.
Mascot Madness Final Four
Duke Blue Devils vs UCLA Bruins
The size advantage that the bruin uses in the Elite Eight is not as useful against the devil. A devil is what sums up evil and violence and because of that, there is next to nothing that a bruin could throw the way of the devil and expect to come out ahead. The Blue Devil is the first finalist.
UAB Blazers vs Miami Hurricanes
The dragon may have finally met its match. Flying into the storm is never a good idea and even less so when the ability to breathe fire is one of your powers since water puts out fire instantly. The second finalist is the hurricane of Miami.
Mascot Madness Final
Duke Blue Devil vs Miami Hurricanes
In an all ACC final, it is an unstoppable force in the hurricane coming up against an unkillable object in the devil. The Hurricane has been storming right to the final but blew the opportunity at Mascot Madness gold. Not because of any fault of its own, but the devil has too many unknowns about what powers it may possess and therefore could not be ruled out at all. The winner of the 2022 Mascot Madness is the Blue Devil from Duke.
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