Reese’s University: Home of the Fighting Cuppies
I don’t care if this is a fictional university, I’m all about it. (Also not a sponsor by the way, I just think this is fun.) Everyone’s favorite peanut butter cups have an institution of higher education. Haven’t heard of it? Apparently it was established in 1923, so that’s your fault. Reese’s University is described on their website as “the most premier chocolate and peanut butter research institution in the world and proud home of the Fighting Cuppies.”
About
RU might have one of the best mascots in all of collegiate sports. Look at this guy.
I don’t know if the mascot has an official name. Maybe Cuppie? Not sure. But anyway, it’s a “Fighting” mascot with the same number of BCS/New Year’s Six bowl wins as Notre Dame! Nice!
Current developments at the school include breakthrough research of new seasonal shapes and the construction of an indoor peanut butter pool (kinda gross, but I respect the dedication).
Athletics
Welcome to Peanut Butter Nation. While the athletics page for Reese’s U is not extensive, it does advertise athletic programs including soccer, basketball, rowing, and cheerleading. Some promotional images imply the existence of a football program. There is also a marching band. The Fighting Cuppies have won 113 Peanut Butter Cup titles (whatever that means), so they have a very impressive athletic resume. Unsure how many five-star recruits they land or what conference they play in, but the winning culture is something to get excited about.
The home page advertised tryouts for the RU basketball team. I attempted to sign up, but unfortunately it was closed. Here’s some info about the tryouts:
The only requirement? Your name must be Reese. Your first name, last name, nickname, or even social handle must be Reese. Or Reece. Or Rease, Rhyse, Riess… even if it’s remotely close.
Reese’s University Website
The name requirements give me the indication that this basketball team will look suspiciously close to that of BYU.
Admissions
Boasting an admissions rate of 99.9%, you will likely get into Reese’s University unless you absolutely tanked your SAT. The admissions rate helps explain how they have won so many Peanut Butter Cups – all the athletes are probably taking paper classes or something. Some classes available at RU include:
- ART 104: Make the World Orange
- PBCH 301: Advanced Peanut Butter Ratios
- PHYS 210: Linear Ridge Forces
- ARCH 101: Introduction to Cup Structures
Anyway, I submitted an application. Since this is a university, I assume they have graduate programs I could be part of. Given the acceptance rate, I’m expecting a letter from admissions soon, hopefully with some Reese’s stuff attached. There’s a pretty cool merch shop, so look for me to be rocking some Reese’s U gear at some point soon.
Go Fighting Cuppies! Anyone want to join me? Go apply!
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