David Schoenfield Should Punch Himself In The Face For Suggesting This Ridiculous Isiah Kiner-Falefa Trade
What are we doing here? Are you guys even trying? Keep in mind while you take this article in strides, I advise you to be reminded of the one time I slapped myself live on camera for almost being wrong about Tom Brady. Not even being wrong. Almost being wrong. Trey holds himself to a higher standard. ESPN clearly does not. Keep that in mind as we get to our proceedings today.
David Schoenfield should be ashamed of himself for what he did today. Shame on you, Dave. Shame on you, Dave. For you made the great sin of trying to clone yourself as the bush league version of the Bill Simmons trade machine. Shame on you, Dave. Shame on you, Dave. We’ve already dealt with embarrassing Bill Simmons. Now it’s time to get to you.
ESPN put out a roundtable table about storylines to watch as we head into 2023. A pretty good idea except I have a way better title for it that I’ll now have the MLB team here execute. I just know my team won’t put out a poo poo product compared to this trash that ESPN just put out.
Who is the biggest name who will be traded the rest of this offseason?
“Schoenfield: Hey, how about the Boston Red Sox and Yankees making a trade for Kiner-Falefa? With Trevor Story sidelined for most of the coming season, the Red Sox need a shortstop. Trades between the two teams are rare, but the Yankees did trade Adam Ottavino to the Red Sox in 2021. However, Kiner-Falefa wouldn’t be the best player traded if Lopez or Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder Bryan Reynolds goes. And since nobody has mentioned Reynolds, I’ll mention him. The Los Angeles Dodgers, Yankees, Texas Rangers and Seattle Mariners are among the teams that could use an outfielder, so with so many potential trade partners, I think the Pirates make a deal they like.”
Unbelievable. It’s 60 degrees outside in January and the “world wide leader in sports” is suggesting that a trade between the Yankees and Red Sox involving Isiah Kiner-Falefa is just around the corner! I think the world might actually be ending. Don’t worry, they will keep telling me that I’m the bad guy. I know how this story goes.
Bad times create strong people. Strong people create good times. Good times create weak people. I’m going to pound you, ESPN. I’m going to keep doing it over and over because the product you put out is embarrassing. The highest paid guy in the building thinks Luka Doncic sucks because he’s from Europe, hates Shohei Ohtani because he’s from Asia, and called Dwyane Haskins more of a runner than a thrower. A triple crown of ignorance to all walks of life. Don’t worry, I’m the bad guy. That’s what they say.
I’m already owning your fantasy hockey guy. How’s Phil Kessel doing? In for a stinker, huh… Wonder why. Maybe it’s because you don’t watch the games… but I already know that based on your work.
Don’t worry… that’s just the tip of the ice berg. This company stinks and now I have to finish roasting Dave because he should be ashamed of himself.
A: Yes, the Red Sox and Yankees did make a trade not that long ago. I fully acknowledge that part. However, I’d argue anyone with a brain knows those were completely different circumstances. This was a salary dump. The Sox ate most of Ottavino’s salary ($8.15 million) in 2021 along with a $3 million signing bonus in 2022. Boston essentially paid for prospect Frank German who remains on their 40-man roster.
I say that to say this.
The Yankees are not giving IKF to the Red Sox in a salary dump.
The Red Sox are not receiving an additional prospect for simply taking on IKF. I might not be fond of him compared to the general public but he’s still valued on the actual MLB trade market.
All things idiot Schoenfield conveniently forgot to mention. There may be some past history of a trade between Red Sox and Yankees. However, this one would not follow the same circumstances that the Ottavino trade did a few years ago. IKF despite not being able to have any power in his bat was still a 3.0 WAR player in 2022. Ottavino, while having turned things around with the Mets, was a -0.1 WAR player during his final season in New York. It’s not the same…
B: Does Schoenfield follow the instructions of the prompt? Nope. Last time I checked ESPN hired prestigious writers. I don’t try to pretend to be. I live in the mud so that’s the style of writing I’ll have. It’s why I’ve been referring to Isiah Kiner-Falefa as IKF this entire post because it’s way easier that way. My journalism is for the streets. These people that ESPN hire are supposed to be the best of the best!
Last time I checked, I got bad grades any time I didn’t follow the assignment in school. You threw your limp dick trade into the internetsphere and went about your day. No regard for how much emotional trauma the eight-year kid that’s reading this felt after already losing Xander Bogaerts earlier this offseason. Schoenfield doesn’t care about the kids in Boston! Let them all have a heart attack. Eat this IKF trade that’s never going to happen!
Disgusting. Schoenfield knows exactly what he was doing here. He had one too many beers last night and had a drunk thought about if the Yankees somehow sent IKF to Boston. Congratulations, buddy. Lay off the Hamm’s Premium the next time you write your one post a week.
Your trade idea stinks and the prompt asks for the biggest name move. Maybe don’t waste half your response about a guy who isn’t Bryan Reynolds when that’s your answer. Worth a thought. Didn’t they teach you better in school to answer the prompt?
C: If this trade happens, I will punch myself in the face instead. Let the record show I am a man of honor and integrity. When this trade doesn’t happen, just know Schoenfield will never address the fact that he said this. I don’t know if IKF gets traded or not this offseason. Although, I thought the whole point of trading for him in the first place was so that he could serve as the stop gap until Anthony Volpe arrived. Are we forgetting about how hard the Yankees tried to land IKF? Cashman was more horny for him than Barstool Sports’ Jeff Nadu is on Twitter. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way a year later. What I do know is that the Yankees tried to trade Gleyber Torres to the Marlins for Pablo Lopez. I bet they still would.
Volpe is a prize prospect and supposed to be THE next shortstop of the New York Yankees. Oswald Peraza is also on the way / has arrived as well. Again, if the right price comes along, maybe IKF gets traded. However, if the goal was to hold the fort for Volpe, then the Yankees have accomplished what they tried to do with IKF. Again, I don’t like him as a player. It’s just been their solution to the problem. Otherwise, they would have been more aggressive in the elite shortstop market this Winter.
D: Listen, it’s hard to know what Chaim Bloom is thinking. I don’t know what he was on for the Andrew Benintendi trade. I lost years off my life being forced to watch Franchy Cordero. Chaim Bloom has done a lot of dumb things. I also think I know him pretty well right now. If you think he’s giving up a single minor leaguer for IKF then you haven’t been paying attention.
You’re also not paying attention if you don’t understand what this Red Sox 40-man roster looks like. It’s quite the crunch. They have given up on Connor Seabold, Darwinzon Hernandez, Jeter Downs, etc. It’s a crunch. They have no room on this 40-man. What’s your suggestion they DFA Christian Arroyo to bring in IKF? Stop it.
Right now, the Red Sox aren’t doing anything until they’re able to put Trevor Story on the 60-Day IL following the news of his injury. When that happens, my best guess is that they sign Jose Iglesias if he’s still available. Maybe they go a different avenue but that’s the name I’d watch. I’d love Fernando Tatis or Jazz Chisholm, but I don’t expect that to be the outcome. Not sure Bloom has the stones to pull that off. That’s me taking a stand. We’ll see who’s right. If I’m right, Schoenfield should at least slap himself. But we know the story. He won’t. He can’t even promote his own stories on Twitter. Forget about being a grown ass man and having accountability. Check this guy’s Twitter profile. He’s got about five tweets a year. Columnist at ESPN.com. Incredible. Five tweets a year to get paid to write one post a week. Must be nice.
Did I mention the part that there is just not a chance Chaim Bloom is giving up a legitimate prospect to the Yankees for IKF? Have you for a single second paid attention to his mantra? Yeah, the guy that only cares about the future is going to help the arch nemesis by proving them with said future. Got it.
The worst part is when this trade doesn’t happen, buddy boy Dave will carry on with his day and continue to collect checks from the world wide leader of frauds. Way to go Dave. Great journalism. Really making the most of your time at ESPN. What a joke.
Side note: We already know Buster Olney hates the Red Sox. It’s so obvious that he doesn’t even try to hide it. Except I can’t blast Olney because the Red Sox deserve it. Way to go Bloom. The Sox suck so bad that Olney gets to keep throwing his parade at ESPN. Can Bloom get fired now? That’s a side note from me.
