Names
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The 25 Best Names In Sports: Past, Present, And Future

The names on this list are a combination of current professional sports players, retired players, and high school/ college athletes. If the player is retired I listed every team they played on. If the player is currently playing professional sports, I listed the team they are playing for right now. Finally, the names for the future are a combination of college and high school athletes. I want to preface this by saying these are my favorite names but I know I left some good ones off. Nevertheless, these are the 25 best names in sports.

25. Coco Crisp- Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox, Kansas City Royals, and Oakland Athletics

Just rolls of the tongue nicely. Not much else to say, just a solid name.

24. BenJarvus Green-Ellis- New England Patriots and Cincinnati Bengals

I was today years old when I found out that his first name is BenJarvus and not Ben Jarvus. I thought he had two middles names, but now I just feel like an idiot.

23. Master Teague III- Ohio State Football

If you are playing Ohio State and see a running back named Master Teague, you know you are fucked.

22. Wheaton Jackoboice- Notre Dame Lacrosse

I had to give some love to lacrosse and Wheaton Jackoboice is just a fun name to say.

21. Al-Farouq Aminu- Portland Trail Blazers

This was one of my favorite names growing up, whenever I heard Al-Farouq Aminu’s name announced I would repeat it 50 times.

20. Whitney Mercilus- Houston Texans

I do not know exactly why I like this name, but I would not mess with a guy named Mercilus.

19. Zoltan Mesko- New England Patriots

Another name I loved growing up. I got genuinely excited when the Patriots would have to punt because I got to hear Zoltan Mesko’s name get called.

18. Barkevious Mingo- Clevland Browns, Chicago Bears, New England Patriots, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Seattle Seahawks, Atlanta Falcons

Another great name that is fun to say. It rolls off the tongue nicely.

17. Admiral Schofield- Washington Wizards

If your name is Colonel, General, Admiral, or any name having to do with rank in the military, you are going on the list. I also love Schofield as a last name.

16. Igor Olshansky- Dallas Cowboys, San Diego Chargers, Miami Dolphins

Any Igor is worth some caution, especially a six-foot-six, 310-pound Igor.

15. Captain Munnerlyn- Carolina Panthers and Minnesota Vikings

Like Admiral and the other military rank names, if your first name is Captain you are First-Team All Name.

14. Osi Umenyiora- New York Giants and Atlanta Falcons

I have PTSD from hearing Osi Umenyiora, Justin Tuck, and Michael Strahan’s names in the Pats’ Superbowl loss to the Giants. Even though I will never get over that loss, Osi Umenyiora is a great name to say.

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13. Dick Butkus- Chicago Bears

One of the greatest linebackers of all time also has one of the best names ever.

12. Jim Bob Cooter- Coached for Detroit Lions and New York Jets

It seems fitting that Adam Gase hired a guy named Jim Bob Cooter to coach his running backs. Could be a reason LeVeon Bell sucks.

11. Bol Bol- Denver Nuggets

If you have the same first and last name, you are an absolute legend.

10. Cal Clutterbuck- New York Islanders

This one hurts because my Bruins just lost to the Islanders in the playoffs, but Cal Clutterbuck gave me the idea to make this list. He sounds like he should be on a ranch in Texas wearing a ten-gallon hat, but the dude is making plays in the NHL playoffs instead.

9. God Shammgod- Washington Wizards

This guy is a legend for two reasons: he has God in his name twice and he has one of the coldest crossovers ever.

8. Pavel Datsyuk- Detroit Red Wings

Badass Russian hockey name, Datsyuk might also have had the best stickhandling I have ever seen, making him that much cooler.

7. Yourhighness Morgan- Florida Atlantic University (2009-2011)

All credit to Reddit for giving me this gem of a name. Yourhighness. Wow.

6. General Booty- Allen High School Football

All-time high school football name. General fucking Booty. This kid was literally built to play football and as the quarterback, he is essentially the actual general of the offense.

5. Rocket Watts- Michigan State Basketball

His first name is Rocket. ‘Nuff said.

4. Leon Draisaitl- Edmonton Oilers

I might have to watch more hockey just because of some of these names – Leon Draisaitl is one of the most badass names I have ever heard.

3. Smoke Monday- Auburn University Football

If I was an opposing wide receiver and a dude named Smoke Monday is set to cover me, I know I am in for a long day. Imagine asking this dude his name and he responds with “Smoke.” You are going to wish your name was cooler for the rest of the day.

2. D’Brickashaw Ferguson- New York Jets

Whenever someone brings up the best names in sports, Ferguson is always brought up, and rightfully so. The man’s first name is D’Brickashaw.

1. DeColdest Crawford- Green Oaks High School Football

If this is not the coolest name you have ever heard then I do not know what to tell you. His name is literally DeColdest. Like everybody else when I first saw his name trending on Twitter, he instantly became my favorite player. Turns out he is pretty damn good at football as well – Crawford is committed to LSU as a wide receiver.

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