If I hear the name Manny Machado or Bryce Harper one more time, I might attack someone. I can’t take it anymore. Every MLB analyst across the country can’t stop meat riding Machado and Harper. It’s become everyday mouth wash gargling experience consuming every rumor like it’s life or death. I truly can’t take it anymore. You could convince me that these MLB reporters would be willing to murder someone in order to break the Machado and or Harper news.
However, Jim Bowden of the Athletic (a website that only brain dead people subscribe to) recently wrote an article that takes that stalker mentality to an entirely different level. Bowden recently publishedthat the lack of league-wide interest in Machado and Harper is ‘A Disgrace’.
“Who knows when players of this magnitude, at this point in their careers, will be available again?” Bowden wrote. “This is a rare opportunity. They are both there for the taking. It’s time for some owner, some president, some GM, some front office to step up, shock the baseball world and
signthem Otherwise, for Machado, it looks like it will be the White Sox, Phillies or Yankees and, for Harper, the Nationals or Phillies. Essentially just four teams legitimately bidding for the game’s two best free agents.”
“What a joke. What a disgrace.”
Stop right there. Do you know who really is a disgrace? Who’s entire existence is a joke? Jim Bowden. The current Athletic author spent 17 years in the big leagues as a general manager. From 1992-2003 Bowden was the general manager for the Cincinnati Reds. From 2005-2009 Bowden was the GM of the Washington Nationals. During those 17 seasons, Bowden compiled a record of 75.59 wins and 82.53 losses. That does include a shortened season in 1994 and 1995 but that only slightly reduces each win-loss total. So for starters, Bowden was never a successful GM.
Bowden took over the Reds in 1992. The year he started, Cincinnati won 90 games. The year he was fired, the Reds won 69 games. So Bowden ran the franchise into the ground. In 12 years with the Reds, Bowden led the Reds to just ONE playoff appearance (1995) despite taking over for a team that had just won the World Series two years prior to his arrival.
Bowden didn’t just fail once. He also failed with the Nationals. The year Bowden started, the Nationals won 81 games in their first year moving from Montreal. The year he resigned from the job, the Nats won 59 games. The Nationals NEVER made the postseason while Bowden was in charge. Again, another franchise Bowden ran into the ground. The only thing Nats fans can thank Bowden for is being so terrible that they landed the first pick in 2009 and 2010 which resulted in Stephen Strasburg and Bryce Harper.
Bowden’s legacy will forever go down into the history books as a failure. Bowden was a failure. That’s what he is known for. A man that lacked the
You know what’s even more hilarious? Bowden is a huge scumbag. That description may be an understatement. Bowden’s final move ever as a general manager was handing in his resignation because of an FBI investigation into the skimming of signing bonus money from Latin American baseball players. I’ll just leave this link here, it describes the entire scandal pretty well. If you don’t feel like reading that post, essentially Bowden was stealing money from Latin American players.
So not only is Bowden a failure professionally. He’s also a scumbag as a human being. Okay, got it. Moving on.
Bowden was then hired by ESPN because of course, he was. Is this a surprise? ESPN loves people that have zero talent and zero humanistic qualities. I’m sure Bowden and Harold Reynolds got a room together on numerous occasions and mucked it up about who can be the bigger douche bag.
I remember watching ESPN back in those days. Bowden sucked. His analysis was flat out awful. In fact, Bowden was so atrocious at his job that I remember some of his hot takes off the top of my head from years ago.
This one is by far my favorite one. Bowden and Keith Law (Who is actually a smart and respected baseball guy) argue about the value of Chris Davis during the 2015-2016 MLB offseason.
That’s right. Bowden not only advocated for Davis landing a massive contract with the Orioles, but he also said he would offer 6 years for $120 million. In 2018, Davis hit .168 in 470 at-bats for the Orioles. Davis struck out 192 times and was a -2.8 WAR player. You could make a legit argument that 2018 Davis is the worst player of all time and Baltimore is stuck with him after giving him a 7-year, $161 million deal in 2016. Also, credit to Keith Law for using the “that’s how you get fired” line to a guy that got canned twice.
Look, everyone makes mistakes. I’m not that big of an asshole. But advocating for Chris Davis to land a huge contract? You don’t come back from that one and neither did Orioles GM, Dan Duquette. Oh, and Bowden because he was part of the ESPN layoffs in 2017. Not only is Bowden a failure as a baseball exec, not only is Bowden a scumbag human, but he is also a terrible TV analyst. Okay, got it. Moving on.
That brings me to Manny Machado and Bryce Harper. Do you know what would be a huge mistake that will get someone fired? Signing Manny Machado or Bryce Harper. You want to know the truth about Machado and Harper? The real truth. Not the inauthentic MLB bullshit you read or hear on TV.
Manny Machado is a scumbag. Machado has tried to hurt an opposing player on more than one occasion. Hey, I’m all for being a little dirty. I’m cool with that but Machado is fake tough. That’s the worst kind of tough. You know why? Machado is a lazy f*ck. You can’t be Mr. tough guy who takes out Achilles and kneecaps and then says you’re not going to hustle. That’s called being a jackass. This guy couldn’t even run out doubles hit to the wall in the World Series.
Who would want him? $300 plus million to that piece of shit? No, thanks. I get why you would want to take the gamble on Machado. He’s a talented bastard. Machado was a 5.7 WAR player in 2018 and has hit at least 33 home runs as an infielder since 2015. Machado is also a gold glove caliber fielder at the hot corner and still way above average at shortstop. Machado is a 4-time All-Star and is hitting free agency at the ripe age of 26. Again, I get why teams would be interested. Handing $300 plus million to a piece of shit? I’m out. That’s why there is a lack of interest league-wide interest you dumb f*ck, Bowden.
Now let’s get to Bryce Harper? Unlike Machado, Harper really isn’t talented. He’s living off a Sports Illustrated cover as a teenager. Without that, Harper would compare as Avisail Garcia 2.0. Harper is not even a top 100 player in baseball. Where does the intrigue come from? Harper hit under .250 in two of the past three years. He was a 1.3 WAR player in 2018. Harper’s mechanics have gone down the toilet. He grounds into the shift constantly and struck out 169 times a year ago. Do you know what else? Harper realistically is the worst defensive outfielder in baseball?
There are two possibilities there. Either Harper flat out sucks in the outfield or he just doesn’t give a damn about fielder so he never puts in effort out in the field. That’s it. No other possibility. $300 plus million to the worst defensive outfielder in baseball? $300 plus million to a guy who can’t hit above .250 on a consistent basis? Are you on crack? I’m out. That’s why there is a lack of league wide-interest in Harper you dumb f*ck.
Do us all a favor, Jim Bowden. Go into witness protection. Go into early retirement. I don’t care what hole you climb in. Just do us all a favor and shut up. Our country is so screwed up that we throw people in jail for small weed charges, yet Bowden has run two billion dollar organization into the ground (which has an effect on the local economy) and stole money from Latin American teenagers. Bowden roams the streets spewing shit out his mouth and gets paid millions of dollars to do so. That’s America for you. Not only are you a failure professional, not only are you a total scumbag as a human being, but you also have the IQ of a dead squirrel.